Time Has A Way

 I lost Gracie on May 26, 2022.  September 19, 2022 We brought Bubbles home.  Bubbles was an adorable puppy.  Who doesn't love puppies?  But I had a really hard time at first.   

My most noticeable observation:  Bubbles did not have the beautiful almond-shaped eyes that Gracie had.  This puppy had beady round eyes.  

To be honest, the round eyes were CUTE and she looked like a little stuffed animal, but, inside of myself --  I wanted the lame, sick, tilted-headed, blind, deaf dog that I had to help get into bed at night.  I wanted Gracie. 

It was bittersweet.

But time has a way of making things better if we work on finding the good going forward.  

Bubbles has helped me in so many ways.  I can now look at Gracie in memories with a smile.  Bubbles has won my heart and I love her so much!  I will always love Gracie too.  My heart feels really big these days, and there is room for both.  There's room for every pet I've ever owned.  

GRACIE

BUBBLES

Love Never Fails

This was last night.

Dear Diary,

It's hard for me these days.  I used to be able to run up the ramp like a champ.  Hey, I just rhymed.  Let me put that in a more poetic way:

I used to run up that ramp

     Like a champ

Well.  Now.  It. Is. A. Struggle.

But at least I am poetic.

Gracie

~Looking For My Girl~

Yesterday I went looking for my girl as I often do when she is outside wandering.  Sometimes she gets lost.  If you click on the above 'my girl' link, you will see what I mean.  I've started a TikTok account and I'm getting a lot of enjoyment from posting small videos and such.  Also, I find so many I love to watch and follow. 

Gracie is a full-time job these days.  She sleeps a lot, but she loves her walks, food, and cuddling too.  Sometimes she about pushes me out of bed when she insists on sleeping more beside me than at my feet.  Haha!  But.  It's all about making her comfortable these days.  

Our house is like a maze and a bit of a mess with all the carpeting and blankets padding areas where we want to make sure she doesn't run into/jump off of/ fall into etc. and hurt herself.

When she decides to sleep at the foot of the bed it makes for a good night's sleep for me.

If you watch the above video, you might notice that she had fallen into her poop and it was a mess on her butt.  A surprise bath followed.  She was not a happy camper.

But she did rest well afterward.

So Over It

How's everyone doing?  We are surviving.  My computer is dumping on me...  so I copied and then deleted a lot of files only to find out they did not copy in the first place.  I already emptied the 'trash'. So.  The stuff I have worked on for over a decade is gone.  The cloud helped me get back some - but not the most important stuff.  Computer professionals were of no help.  So I guess I'm starting over.  Kind of.  

Snow came, making it difficult if not impossible for our girl to navigate her way outside to potty.  I shoveled and I shoveled and I shoveled till I had some pretty cool paths for her.  It was so sad watching her fall all over the place in snow that she couldn't even see.  Putting harness and leash on her helped.  That way I was able to lead her around and pull her from the snow she fell into.  I cannot even begin to put into words how badly I felt for the poor thing.  

I tried to put a pic of Gary on - snow blowing the front of our place.  But my computer is still messed up and it refused.  I'm so over it all.  Ugh.  But we are good.  All is well.  

Now.  How have you been?  

 

Goodnight

Me:  Gracie!  The blood will rush to your head and you will die!

Gracie: Did you say something?  

Sometimes you have to find that comfortable position in order to get a good nights sleep. *Yawn* 

Gracie:  Stop judging.  Goodnight.

 

Ward Off Depression

Yesterday my lower back hurt pretty severely.  Walking was an effort.  But I find it better to stay somewhat active than sit with my feet up all day.  Also paining me were my left knee and my right foot.  These aches, too, made it hard.  And this weight!  I eat a cookie. I gain a pound.  It's my 66-year-old reality.  Arthritis in my hands - well, we don't want to even talk about that.  So much for ‘golden-year’ propaganda.

 

 *sigh*

 

I watch Gracie pull herself up from the floor, her crooked back legs trembling, and it's all she can do to get them moving.  She tries to stretch them out but almost falls.   I pull myself up from my recliner and hobble to the door to let her out, and she looks at me with those confused eyes that say, "What is out?  Where is out?  Why would I want to go out?"  Then she gets lost under a table.

 

I do a few things to get the blood flowing before allowing myself back to the reclining position.  Ah, my chair.  Gracie circles around again and again and again, looking for that sweet spot on the carpet to park her poor, disabled butt, and then decides she'd instead rather be picked up and put on the couch.  I can almost read her body language, so off the recliner, holding onto my back and to the aid of my poor old girl. "There you go," I say, placing her comfortably onto the couch and making sure her behind is to the back, so she doesn't fall off (yes, it happens) butt first.  Back to the reclining position, I go in my chair and guess who jumps down onto the floor. 

To ward off depression from the state of things, husband and I have thrown ourselves into decorating for Christmas and giving Gracie much needed attention.  For me, it's working.  For him - not so much.  But we both keep plugging along.

Dear Diary,

I spent yesterday at the spa and I feel pretty.  Oh, so pretty.  Gracie.

 

Hello Out There ~~from Gracie~~

 Tennis Courts?  Really?  Am I dreaming?

I'm not dreaming.  And I haven't even died and gone to heaven.  I might be crippled and depressed and half blind and deaf.  But I could see and smell that I was at the tennis courts.  ahhhhh....  Life is good.  Hard sometimes, but good. 

*BLINK*

Well.  I blinked, and here we are in the Autumn of 2021.  

And speaking of Blink...  check out my new novel HERE  !

This novel is a sequel to THE HOUSE which I had published last July.  I've taken the liberty to mail some copies out to those who reviewed my last book.  I'd appreciate a review on Amazon - but it's okay if you'd rather not.  The book is a gift, no strings.  

If anyone would like a copy - email me at chambrayblue20@yahoo.com - and because you are my blog friends, I will send a free copy.  Specify whether you would prefer a paperback or kindle.  

***The Struggle Is Real***

 Dear Diary,

This is what I told Mom:  As long as I am having good days, let's forget about the saying goodbye thing.  Since she gets a little confused about what is a good day for me, let me be specific. My birthday was not a good day.  I spent it lost in corners and falling into stuff. But the next day was good.  And the one after that was really good. A good day is usually when I seem to regain a small bit of hearing, sight, and mental stability.  Small, very small.  But still.

"I think we can still enjoy some corn on the cob this year," she said as she loaded me into my comfy seat in the back of the Elantra.  She sat there with me and held onto my leash while I jumped to watch out the window and breath in all the smells along the way. Dad drove.  I couldn't wait to sink my teeth into that fresh buttery corn on the cob.  But first, a stop in Wiley Ford WV where we lived when I was a puppy.  We'd walk the towpath there.  

It was a really nice day.

I love love love the walks there.  It's all about new smells for me. And my smeller ain't what it used to be, but it still works.

And speaking of new smells, let me tell ya what happened on the way up the hill to go to our car for home.

I couldn't quite see it, but I heard Mom talking to a stranger.  "I wouldn't put my hand down to her," I heard Mom say.  "She might bite you."

BOL!!!  The woman Mom is delusional.

That was the 'old' Gracie. The much younger version. The new me ...  well...  

I'm a lover, not a fighter.  Ask the girl stranger.  (Her hand tasted like... ummm...  Burger King).  Mom was a little surprised that I licked her hand instead of biting it.  But hey, people dogs change, ya know.

Yesterday wasn't such a hot day. I got almost to the top of the ramp (at 4AM) (When I should have been fast asleep but instead I decided to wander aimlessly through the house and get lost and wake Mom every half hour to send me outside so I could get lost there too) but at the top of the ramp where it meets Mom and Dad's bed, I froze. I freaked. I decided I did not know where I was going - and then I began to fall back down the ramp.  I was trembling. Afraid.  But Mom jumped up from the bed and tried to save me --- only her back went out!!!!!  I thought I was going to have to save her!!!!! The struggle is real, peoples! 

As the story goes, she wasn't much help to me after that, but I did manage to slide down the ramp backward to safety.  She and I went to the living room then to lick our wounds and pace some more.  Well, pacing for me, groaning and moaning in pain for her as she tried to get comfortable in her chair.  What a night!  

But I'm 17 now.  what do you expect from an old a new girl?   Gracie.

Life Gone To The Dogs

I could say my life has gone to the dogs, but let's face it... it's been that way for almost 17 great years.

My blog started out as Gracie Owns Me, then several years ago I changed it to Growing Old with Gracie and now - well, if I were to rename it now it would probably be Losing Gracie.  

My heart breaks to see her lost in our yard, under a chair, or in a corner.  She tends to pull to the left, the same side as her head-tilt, causing her to run into walls and miss doorway entrances.  

I've piled soft rugs and blankets on even the smallest step landing, to make her walk from the house to outside easier.  Sometimes she'll fall, but it's a soft landing now.  

We'll put her in the car and take her to the towpath for mini-walks until she looks worn out.  She loves her walks, still.  Even if they are only half of what they used to be.  When I heard of the hurricane rains coming our way, I hurriedly purchased a doggie umbrella from Amazon. It came that morning, just in time.

Our lives are dedicated to making her last days as comfortable as possible.

She used to love to go out front and bark at passersby.  Now when I tie her there, she looks bewildered.  Like, where am I and what am I doing here?

She still has her favorite spots to sleep, though sometimes it's hard for her to find them.  

Our entire house is Old-Girl-Gracie-ized.  We have ramps and rugs, pillows, and barriers.  Every time I see a problem, I try to fix it to make it easier on her.  I love when I catch her in a sweet sleep.  I know then, she is not worried or suffering or in pain.  I love when she climbs the ramp at night to join us on the bed, and when she settles there.  Her going down the ramp gives me worry - as she bounces to the left and onto the sides of the ramp, finally making it to the floor.  

She doesn't do well in the car for long drives.  We took her to camp one last time, then we sold the camper and discontinued our contract with the campsite.  When it was time to leave, she refused.  

No.  I'm not going.  I will not go.  I love camp.  You can't make me.

When she is gone, I cannot imagine being there without her.  She has loved it so much!  It would be too painful.  

I've been talking to her a lot.  About how she will probably be leaving us soon, I tell her we'll be okay.  But she will be better than okay.  And that she should watch for us one day to be with her.  Do I think dogs go to heaven?  Absolutely.  I found this on daily scriptures on the Internet: 

And because I love God, I know He will one day bring me and my girl back together again.  

He will bring all of us back together again, all of us who love Him.  

In the meantime, I will take the best care of my girl that I can.  And I will watch closely for her to tell me when she's had enough of this life.  

Shhhh...  I'm trying to catch a nap, can ya keep it down?

A Day in The Life of a Senior Dog Mom

At 10 PM I begin the night shift.  This job requires, and/or is not limited to:  letting the dog out, bringing the dog in, watching that the dog is safe and does not wander into a corner and become lost, taking the dog out, bringing the dog back inside, moving my legs out of the way so the dog can sleep there when she wants to, cleaning up poop (in case I'm not pawed awake and she has no choice), cleaning up pee (same), taking the dog out, bringing the dog in, searching for the dog in the middle of the night to make sure I did not leave her out and fall asleep (haven't yet), making sure she does not fall off the bed, googling her issue of the day while trying to stay awake until I hear her bark to come back inside, cleaning up vomit, taking the dog out, bringing the dog in, etc. etc. etc. 

At 9:00 AM.  After coffee, God-time, and breakfast, I finish up my shift.  Kinda.  It takes 3 to 4 bags, and around the pool, I go looking for her night-time poops.  I examine them to make sure they are healthy-looking.  Then I dispose of them.  If worms are found, It's off to the vet we go for medications.  If her stool is funky-looking, I purpose to clean up her diet. 

Monday through Friday, 9 AM to 5PM, my job is not finished.  I need to monitor the dog.  If her eyes look weird and her head is tilted, it's time for another vet visit.  Note:  AC in the car does not stay cold after sitting for 2 1/2 hours in the hot sun.  (Covid restricts us from going inside)  So we wait.  Outside.  In the heat of the day.  When the AC wanes, it is my job to get the dog out of the car and take her to the nearby shade of a tree and don't forget the water.  Not for me, for her.  She needs to stay hydrated.  It's my job.  Oh, and I mustn't forget my debit card.  This one will be a whopper of an invoice.  It was.

Update:  After injections for some type of inner ear thing again, Gracie is doing much better.  She's hearing and seeing better, and her weird eyes look normal now.  She still needs her multiple outside visits from dusk till dawn, but, at least she can somewhat see me waving the flashlight for her to come in the right door.  

Today is a good day for her.  We never know though, what tomorrow may bring.  

#LoveMyDog

~~~~BUNNY HUNT FAIL~~~~~

At almost 17 years, cataracts and arthritis won't stop Gracie from her favorite sport.  She will find that wascally wabbit if it's the last thing she does!

  ~~WATCH~~HERE>> GRACIES BUNNY HUNT <<<~~WATCH HERE~~

Gracie's Sweet Sixteen

 I can only imagine the cuteness that took place 16 years ago today, as a litter of adorable cockapoos were born into this world.

Months later, when I was met with the decision of which one would go home with me, I could see for myself the cuteness they had all grown into.  Eeenie, Meenie, Minnie, Moe.... which one shall I pick to go (home with me).  I picked up the cutest, curliest, most adorable one, and I asked, "male or female?"  After kissing him on his head, I returned him to his siblings. I wanted a girl.

"Who's this little cutie?" I asked, as I picked up the shy one.  *Her puppy breath was amazing*  

"That's a girl," the owner of the litter said.  

We bonded immediately, and Gracie came home with me.

Gary and I have been married 18 years.  Gracie has been with us for 16 of those years.  We barely know life without her.  I imagine when her time on earth is thru, I will still see her, sneaking around the corner to check on dinner.  I will feel her walking behind me to receive her daily fortune cookie when I go to my office in the morning.  Her bark will be heard from inside when she is out and ready to come in.  Her presence will be felt each evening as we settle in to watch some TV and she lays resting beside us on the sofa.  I'll hear the patter of her paws making her way up the ramp at night to join us in bed.  When we come home from being out somewhere, I will look around the house for her to greet us.  I will smell her sweet smell after a day at the spa.  But all this, will be a memory.

Maybe Jesus will come and take us all home before her departure from this planet.  We don't know what tomorrow may bring, but what I do know is that I am thankful for God's goodness, and these past years with my girl, Gracie.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACIE!

 James 1:17 NIV  Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.  

ON A BUNNY HUNT

Baby Bunny, why are you out of your nest?  You know you could have been run over by the lawn mower?  You're lucky we found you.

I'm scared and tired, just let me rest here a while.

You must go back to your nest or the big dog will be about looking to catch you and find your squeaker.  And...  well, it could get ugly.

Okay.  Thank you for saving me.

Baby Bunny, you are growing...  but still, be careful.  I have tied the big dog up but you don't want to go near her.  She may not play nicely.

It's okay.  I'll just wait right here with my mama.  She will protect me.

Mama Bunny, where is your little one?  And, is there anything at all I can do to make your stay more comfortable?  Can I bring you a carrot or a celery stock?

Mama, that girl that saved me said there's a big, bad dog that lives here and it will catch me and extract my squeaker.

Don't worry my little bunny.  You have become way too fast for that dog.  She thinks she can, she thinks she can.  But.  She can't.