Christmas time I think of Gracie. After all, she spent seventeen Christmases with us. That's a lot. We put her under the tree with the rest of the gifts when she was a baby. After all, she was my Christmas present that year. She was the best one I have ever received, to be honest.
That first Christmas was filled with such happiness. We had just purchased our bargain home for $39,000 so we could *ahem* get a dog. It didn't need much work because it belonged to a meticulous older lady who left the place spotless and beautiful. We did finish the basement though, and oh, what a wonderful place of recreation that turned out to be for us and our new dog.
I remember ordering the off-white plush carpet to be installed before we moved in, and then, the white dog weeks later. White carpet and white dog went together like... WAIT...
Now if Gracie were here, she would have a different story. But I am here to share that potty training that little stinker took over a year. It seemed I was constantly on my hands and knees scrubbing that white carpet.
The pages of time seem to turn more quickly as we get older. Before I knew it, our bargain home had been sold to buy a home that we could turn into a business along a busy highway. Gracie didn't mind the move. She was adventurous like that.
Fast forward to the end of that chapter. The part where Gracie would be leaving us and my heart would break so tragically that I did not know how there could be another chapter going forward. I could not remember life without her, so how could I think of tomorrow with no white dog hanging around.
Today I bring back my Mom and my sister, Lindy. Christmas past. We had such fun back in those days when they were still here. How fortunate I am to still have two sisters and two brothers still living.
I've started taking down decorations, but I think I'll leave the Christmas village up for one more night.
WISHING MY BLOGGER FRIENDS A SAFE, HEALTHY, PEACEFUL NEW YEAR.
Welcome to my happy place. I love color, so I go with a more fun decor when decorating. Also, I think, now what would the kids enjoy?
Here is my secret for depression/pain/anxieties, etc: Do something. Create something. Pray to God for strength and direction to do so.
Husband is a pretty depressed and negative person. He'll admit to the depression but I'm not sure if he'd own up to the negativity. He's good though, really. But there was no way I was about to suggest he put the whole train/village thing up this year. It's an all day job. It was absent last year as well. In all fairness though, he is responsible for the outside Nativity scene hanging and for Anvil's (our gorilla) Christmas-wear.
So I put my thinking cap on. I wanted to display the Christmas Village on my own, no negative vibes. And so, I cleared off some shelves and began.
With each placement of houses I became more and more excited! Christmas was coming to our house after all.
It's been a really sad year for many. So many have lost loved ones or pets. I've been contacted to pray for a lot of people throughout the year. Some have made it. Some have not.
Covid has been making its way through families with a strong force.
I find it disheartening to watch kids having to mask up to go to school or be involved in activities. I understand, but yet I am sad for them.
It's not the world we grew up in. I doubt things will ever be the same again.
However. In the land of Christmas Magic, life goes on as usual. The Christmas Carnival is in full swing. Kids are laughing and playing in the snow. Ice skaters are gently gliding over the ice.
There is no talk of pandemic or virus and nobody gets sick here. They just enjoy time together and have fun.
Grandma bakes cookies and shares warm ones right out of the oven, with kids that are outside building a snowman.
Santa stops at the pet store to choose a special puppy for a child.
Inside houses, families have come together to share recipes, play games and laugh, while the children toss snowballs at one another in the new-fallen snow.
Yes, life in the land of Christmas Magic is enchanting, calm, and reserved for the young at heart.
Creating Christmas Magic kept me busy and it was fun.
My back is much better, but arthritis is here to stay. I don't think there is a magic bullet or cure for that.
Gracie has good days and bad days. Christmas day she slept a lot, even through the craziness of it all.
She has become quite friendly in her old age. She used to attack visitors immediately when they'd walk in the door. Now she smells their hand and walks away.
I'm glad I decided to decorate for Christmas. It makes me feel good to see the color and to know that Christmas did not skip us this year. It was here. In all its glory. Fun. Chaos. Happiness. Love.
You have to just. Make it happen. And so I did.
not a creature was stirring not even a mouse... ummm.. yea, about that mouse.
In trying to keep steadfast on the reason for our celebration of Christmas, we shared a nativity for all highway goers to see. One day an elderly gentleman stopped by to thank us for doing so. I thought that was nice.
We will call this episode: Work Through the Pain. Both Gracie and I were feeling it that day. But she loves her walks, and keeping her active helps her navigate better. And me too.
Christmas was weeks away, and since I had purposed to bake tons of cookies and fudge for the kiddos and to go ahead and decorate, time was of the essence.
Gracie said she'd put up with the chaos as long as she got a healthy number of walks.
I said early on. "I'm not decorating this year. Not in the mood. Too much negativity in the world. There's no room for hope." Gracie concurred.
"Decorate," said the little voice inside my head.
"Whatever," I replied.
And so little by little I drug out the figurines, the lights, and the Christmas notables. I reminded Gracie, "Don't get caught up in the glitz. Jesus is the reason for the season."
I thought I heard her say, "Oh no... here we go again."
One of my favorites is this beautiful crystal tree, a gift from one of my favorite clients in my once thriving and opened hearing aid business, All About Hearing. It sits on a platform that changes colors and it is beautiful to behold!
Yesterday my lower back hurt pretty severely. Walking was an effort. But I find it better to stay somewhat active than sit with my feet up all day. Also paining me were my left knee and my right foot. These aches, too, made it hard. And this weight! I eat a cookie. I gain a pound. It's my 66-year-old reality. Arthritis in my hands - well, we don't want to even talk about that. So much for ‘golden-year’ propaganda.
*sigh*
I watch Gracie pull herself up from the floor, her crooked back legs trembling, and it's all she can do to get them moving. She tries to stretch them out but almost falls. I pull myself up from my recliner and hobble to the door to let her out, and she looks at me with those confused eyes that say, "What is out? Where is out? Why would I want to go out?" Then she gets lost under a table.
I do a few things to get the blood flowing before allowing myself back to the reclining position. Ah, my chair. Gracie circles around again and again and again, looking for that sweet spot on the carpet to park her poor, disabled butt, and then decides she'd instead rather be picked up and put on the couch. I can almost read her body language, so off the recliner, holding onto my back and to the aid of my poor old girl. "There you go," I say, placing her comfortably onto the couch and making sure her behind is to the back, so she doesn't fall off (yes, it happens) butt first. Back to the reclining position, I go in my chair and guess who jumps down onto the floor.
To ward off depression from the state of things, husband and I have thrown ourselves into decorating for Christmas and giving Gracie much needed attention. For me, it's working. For him - not so much. But we both keep plugging along.
Dear Diary,
I spent yesterday at the spa and I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. Gracie.
Many have taken to social media to list their favorite things about 2019. What one word would you use to describe the passing of the year?
I think my word would be 'survival'. That's kind of how I feel, like I survived it and now if I could just continue in survival mode 2020 would not look so scary.
This past year I've had to collect my thoughts and actions and regroup. Ask myself, what's important in life?
I've given up on people who have given up on themselves. I've drawn away (tried, anyway) from drama. I've tried to take precaution when looking at the world around me and how others actions effect me. It's hard when those you care about choose a road that you are sure will lead to destruction.
I like the saying, "Let go and let God". Easier said than done, but that's my goal.
Lately I'm lacking sleep, and my high blood pressure is returning after being good for so long. It's kind of depressing. Gracie has been night after night, unsettled and up and down and in and out of the house all night long. Last night she was very sick with vomiting and diarrhea, so not only was I awake all night, but I was cleaning the floors as well.
I was successful in putting on my happy face for the Christmas chaos tho, but truly thankful to get it all cleaned up and put away when all was said and done.
A visit to the vet at the beginning of the week. Gracie made friends with Emmitt, our vet's dog. Who would have thought? She's always hated black dogs. Our vet says she is losing her hearing and we should get her a puppy. Really? A Puppy? (Job security for him, maybe? LOL)
She might have picked up a bug of some kind at the vets office. I'm hoping that's all it is. I would be so sad if it were more serious. But she is 15 now, and when she gets sick like this, I think... is this it?
*sigh* I know, I need to stop thinking negative.
Hope you all had a good holiday and your 2020 started out awesome!
December is one of the busiest months of the year! I will have to admit, my blood pressure rises as I burden myself through my own expectations to make Christmas special. And then, January arrives and the BP goes back to normal just like magic.
I'm still fighting the 'having to be on meds' thing. So far I take a multi vitamin and that is all. However, I am due to go back for labs and an appointment with my NP towards the end of this month so my drug-free status may change at that time. Especially since she gave me a diagnosis of Hoshimoto's Disease a couple of months ago. "But I have no symptoms," I said. "We will repeat labs in three months," she said. "... and go from there."
Ugh.
But getting back to December.
Movie night, the grandkids came down and we had popcorn and chocolate and soft pretzels and a movie on our living room theatre screen. It was pretty awesome.
The oldest grands interact doing what they do best.... competing to see who's the best... lol
There are so many special December moments, but seeing the kids sing Christmas songs at school is a huge reminder to me: My cup is full and running over!!!
Gracie has adapted. To the rearranging of the living room and the chaos. It didn't take her long to find her safe place. Today when I started taking everything down I could have swore I heard her say, "Hey, put it back... I like it like this!"
Gary got two packages today. I know that one box is a part of my Christmas present from him because it says Candy Kitchen on the outside. I requested chocolate nonpareils from there. What I don't know is that the second is a Christmas gift for me as well. He brings it into the room and throws it onto my lap. An early present. It's a pair of socks and my Gracie's picture is all over them. "Thank you so much!" I say. "I love them! But you should have waited till Christmas." I try the socks on and they fit just right. I put them in my sock drawer for a special occasion.
12.19.18
Gary: Remember the package that Stacy said had been delivered yesterday? (Stacy is his daughter and she had sent him a package. Tracking said it was delivered yesterday but we assumed it was delivered to the wrong address.
Me: Yea.
Gary: It's the socks.
Me: The socks? Wait. What socks? My Gracie socks? You didn't buy them for me?
Gary: I guess not.
Me: How can you forget if you bought them or not?
Gary: I thought I did buy them. Maybe. Possibly. I could have.... Ummm.. I actually saw them online, does that count?
Me: Seeing them does not count. So then they are your socks?
Gary: Yea.
Me: *laughter* *more laughter* * lots of laughter* So they came, you saw them, you liked them and thought - huh - I must've got these for Bobbi?
Gary: I guess so.
It is official. Gary's memory is just a tad bita lot worse than mine. BURN!!!!!!!
Here are several things I observe about this time of year:
* You will be ridden with guilt if you break tradition. So bake that 10 dozen of cookies, make that fudge, buy those presents, decorate that tree, spend days and weeks and even months 'preparing' for the big day. Tradition rules!
* It's a circus out there. Do you're shopping early or do it online. People can be mean. They'd just as soon throw you to the curb as to look at you -- especially if you are in their way. Know when the light will turn green so you can gas it immediately to prevent the fellow or gal in back of you from laying on the horn! All of the lions are not in the literal circus, believe you me!
* Political correctness rules. Everyone is sensitive so think about what you say beforehand. Here's the thing. From what I have learned, Christ's birth is not on December 25. It is a date that was chosen to celebrate His birth and I'm good with that. Many celebrate the 'holiday' more than the 'birth day', the receiving of gifts over the receiving of 'the greatest gift of all', and the traditions of man rather than the Spirit of the season, anyway. If someone ridicules you for using the abbreiviated version Xmas, do not dismay, God knows your heart. I used to use that abbreviated version all the time - that is before I realized I could be offending other Christians. But political correctness does not stop there, it's alive to the left and also to the right if ya know what I mean. Honestly, sometimes I'm afraid to speak. We all need to chill out, don't ya think? Some of the sweetest, nicest, kindest people I know do not agree with me on many things. Let's get over the politics and stop judging others. That's God's job.
* The spirit of giving has become this: being shamed into it by cashiers.
It used to be that there was one Shame King and that was the bell ringer outside of Woolworths where we'd throw our quarter in the bowl and walk away feeling pretty darn good about ourselves. I walk into the department store now and I am asked if I want to give to St. Judes. "I give monthly," I say. Next stop, fast food. Do I want to give a dollar to feed hungry kids? I already feed hungry kids. My heart's fulfillment in donating throughout the year means nothing now. I feel like a heel because I won't feed hungry kids. *sigh* Shame on me.
* Jesus is not the reason for the season.
Oh, everyone says it is. But most actions speak opposite. That's all I have to say about that.
* We are expected to be joyful. Period.
I have deep empathy for those who fail to feel that joy. With laughter and chit-chat and holiday cheer going on around you, sometimes it's hard to grasp that feeling of euphoria associated with this time of year. It can be an emptiness felt from an absent loved one or just the sadness of how materialistic and self centered our celebration of Jesus birth has become. Regardless, depressed individuals can fall into deeper depression witnessing the outpouring of joy that surrounds them when all they want to do is get through the holiday and have things back to normal. AND --- I feel sympathetic to those delivery drivers this time of year. They are ridiculed, rushed and taken for granted all in the name of MATERIALISM. Sadly, I have heard a story in the past of a pastor who become short and temperamental when things didn't go as planned with a delivery. Simple acts of this kind can cause an adverse affect when trying to reach others for Christ. Just saying. Be joyful but first, be kind. I believe in that old adage, fake it till you make it. It really does work! Oh, and while practicing the joy thing, be helpful to those who seem to be struggling.
Okay, I think I've rattled on long enough. I've made all my cookies and decorated the house. The gifts are bought and wrapped. After this week, I will close my office for the year and enjoy family. And then, 2019 will come and I will start off with resolutions and goals and hope for another great year. And in truth -- I will know it will be great -- because God's love surrounds me. During the good and the bad of life, it's His love that sustains me. I am humbled and thankful for His never giving up on me, and on this joyous time of year and remembrance of God's greatest gift of a Savior, I thank HIM for that greatest gift of all.
Note: Below, this years nativity. I tried to add a little pizazz ... lol. Disclaimer: These are only statues. symbols. material objects. The real meaning of Christmas is found in the heart. It's a Spirit thing.
I'll be honest. It's not my favorite time of year. First they move stuff around. Then they string all kinds of annoying bright things throughout the house. There are trains and carnivals. Toys that make noise and kids who make more noise.
However. If my memory serves me right, I'm looking at lots and lots of cookie crumbs in my future. So for now, I will relax and try to make the best of things.
And hope that Mom gets over my temporary insanity upon trying to attack my groomer when she put me on Santa Paws lap last week. Hey. She kept kissing my ear over and over and over again. I know I'm irresistible but geez.... A girl can take so much...
"Gracie!!!!!!" Mom said. "I can't believe you attacked your groomer!!!" Well, well, well. Turns out I had a horrible, terrible, awful, worst ever ear infection in that ear so it's no wonder. So's not to take any chances and have me attack the vet, Mom insisted I have my mouth tied shut. Pretty smart move on her part. Cause let's face it, no-one was gonna touch that ear without a fight. I'm on antibiotics now and I got a shot in my butt. Humiliating, it was. Very humiliating. Gracie
