LIFE GOES ON AND WE MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT GOD HAS GIVEN US

 Bubbles had a vet appointment this morning.  Find out all about the results here. 

Today, I would like to talk to you about 'absence.'  You know... when someone has been there for such a long time, and now they are gone.  

My dad died at fifty-three years of age.  His absence left me sad.  At age sixty-nine, my mom died.  I missed her even more than my dad because she was with me longer.  A lot changed after she was gone.  

Nine years ago, I lost a sister and a brother, both in the same year.  I never realized losing a sibling would hurt so much.  But it did.  And their absence stings to this day.  

It will soon be three years since losing Gracie.  Oh, the emptiness that was left in our house with her absence.  

At night, when I take Bubbles outside, I pass Uncle Vic's window, and there is darkness in his apartment. I no longer hear his TV blaring or see him struggling to eat dinner at the kitchen table.  It does my heart good to know that I can still visit with him in the nursing home.  But his absence here at home hurts a little.  

Many people and pets, for one reason or another, become absent in our lives as time marches on.  Some people do fine with it.  Some medicate to help with sadness or sorrow or just life in general.  Some choose to drink or drug their way into feelings of comfort.  I prefer to feel the sadness. Something is cleansing and freeing in the spirit about feeling sad, crying, and moving on.  

When I examine my life now and compare it to ten years ago, I go to the final words of this incredible Bible verse:  

Psalm 30:5    ...  weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

And the joy that comes from God is better than any drug out there.  Its supernatural perfectness is what I want and seek more than anything else.  

Absence, I found, is okay.  When one door closes, another door opens.  When one person, dog, or pet is removed from your life, another enters, and your heart goes on.  And as long as God stays - you are never alone.   

My Grandma 

*Life Goes On *

If there is one thing I have learned about Google it's that...  once you put something online in the name of Google - it is almost impossible (for this ancient mind, anyway) to take it down.  I have been trying to clean up my various YouTube channels.  Yes, I have too many and here I am not remembering my email or passwords from 10+ years ago.  So well..  anyway.  

I come to blogger (thank you, Google for preserving all things Gracie) and everything is still as it was.  I started a new blog for Bubbles (our new baby) but I have not been consistent in growing it or updating it.  I like Blogger because I feel comfortable here, writing my thoughts, sharing my photos, and interacting with long-lost friends who do not care if my punctuation is off or if I am foolishly writing about silly, everyday stuff.  That's what life is all about.

*sigh*

I was so hurt to lose Gracie, I wanted to put it all behind me.  But Bubbles has helped me to conclude that my Gracie days are not over at all. She lives on in my heart, just as many of my family and friends do - who have passed on from this life. 

Memories are a beautiful thing and today I am reviewing old journals, both prayer journals and daily journals. I intend to do this for a while because I believe that is what God is leading me to do. Going back five, ten, or even twenty-some years - I can see so much about who I was and how God worked to bring me clarity and vision on how to go forward each day despite my weaknesses and sins and be better. 

Still, every morning I need to examine my ways, thoughts, and life in general and ask God to reveal to me the stuff of life that will draw me closer to Him and away from myself. Keeping a journal is a good way to document God's faithfulness and it is great at showing me that I'm not all I felt I was cracked up to be. Haha!

I miss my girl Gracie. I'm looking for Bubbles 'voice' to share. But so far there are only two loving eyes watching my every move and frantically following me from room to room to make sure I do not get out of her sight.

I hope this year finds happiness and contentment for all.

BUBBLES

GRACIE.  MINUTES BEFORE LEAVING THIS LIFE.

Rambling On...

Many ask, how are you enjoying retirement?  I am!  I loved my job, and especially when I ran my own business, but being retired is even better.  When I'm not busy shadowing Gracie and trying to make her comfortable in her old age, or doing other random things, I find the time to write.  I love to write, and I really miss blogging.  I have another blog going, but it's not a personal blog like this one.  I've even created another Facebook page using my maiden name, which I am keeping public while my other is private.  It's really weird.  I've hoped to discontinue my personal Facebook page and my personal (this) blog eventually.  But.  I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.  It's like,  you are my friends.   We've shared so many years.     

I've been coming back here, doing a little reading and a little blogging.  And it brings back a really great time in my life when I started connecting with you all.  I'd love to read about happenings in everyone's life.  I laughed and cried with you.  Some friends here have sadly, disappeared.   Some from dying, some just vanish.  It's the ones who vanished that I mourn the most.  I wonder, are they okay?  Where has life taken them?  Life is tough, are they doing alright?

*sigh*

I know I'm rambling.  These past several years have separated so many friends and family through politics and social media, and that is sad.   It's okay to think differently or believe differently.  After all, we're not robots,  right?  

God is love.  He commanded us to love one another.  Love is an action.  Everyone should just do it.  Be kind.  

COVID CHAOS Episode 2

So there we were.  At home.  It is not safe to be out in public, said the exports.  What to do, what to do.  I tried to generate some online love from the grands.

The older kids were absorbed in other things, I suppose.  I got nearly a grunt from them, but Summer on the other hand...   She was always there to remind me - she was still with me in heart, tho separated by space.

Gracie decided things weren't bad enough, so she took sick.  Very sick.  I wondered, is this her time?  I was extremely anxious and sad.  I was in robot-mode as I tried hard to bury any feelings I had and we visited multiple vet hospitals via curbside service, masks in place, social distancing practiced, and lots of cash spent to fix my girl, while feeling helpless and hopeless.

Life had changed dramatically overnight.  It would hurt for a long time and freedom as we knew it may never be again.  Fortunately and thankfully, Gracie, after many weeks of meds that seemed to make her even worse, showed signs of improvement.

Getting her outdoors proved to be the best medicine she could ever have.

God kept reminding me of His presence in the beauty that surrounded me.

"I am still here.  I have never left," He whispered.

I searched for signs of beauty amidst the chaos, uncertainty, bitter cold and spring snow-squalls.

 And wondered, what the significance was - for this creature to show up on our doorstep and refuse to leave.  I'm pretty sure I covered his presence in another post....

 I cannot say the stay-at-home days were (are) bad.  Quite the contrary.  Time is on my side.   I have time to read, write, clean house, watch television, and the best part:  Every single one of my favorite churches and pastors have been doing online services.  So much to do - and so much time to do it.

Time.

That thing we often long for.

Thank You God for the wonderful blessings of family near and far who have kept and are keeping in touch.


And for Your reminder,  God.

"I am still here."

My curbside business  leaves me wondering,  are we being ushered into a new normal?

ADDICTIONS

I've been thinking about my brother a lot lately.  Cancer took his life 5 years ago, Jan 30.  It was a sad time for me.  I sure did love that brother of mine.  

I was just five years old when he lured a neighbor's dog to come home and live with him one day.  The dog loved Jim, so I guess they said he could go ahead and keep him.  Jim loved dogs.  I  really don't remember Jimmy or the dog at that age.

My sweet but ornery brother and his adopted dog

What I do remember is a brother who teased me a lot and brought a lot of shall we say...  adventure to our family of nine.  He always had something up his sleeve.  As a teenager, I became closer to him and even more close as an adult.

Jimmy suffered from addictions for most of his adult life.  He messed up many-a-relationship because of that.  I remember one girl (she was so perfect for him..   beautiful, kind, fun, caring) in particular.  They were together for a couple of years and she was broken when she finally called it off altogether.  I recollect her saying to me, "he takes such good care of me...  he's so sweet most of the time and I don't want to live without him, but I can't live with him."

Jimmy had a vile temper at times but was never abusive physically.   With his words - yes - but not physically.  When he finally admitted to his addiction (pills) he called me one day from the school where he was janitor, and asked me to come and get the pills he had at the time, so he would not continue taking them.  He knew what they were doing to his relationships, yet he could not stop.  When he promised to leave me flush them, I obliged.  It wasn't long tho, until he went to the doctor with a pain in his shoulder and got replenished.  It was sad to watch.

Jim had the most wonderful bush in his yard that I would gather lilacs from every year

He was married and divorced 3 times.  All of his wives were at his funeral, all still carried love for him.  He was that kind of guy.

Addictions are sad.  They hurt families and relationships.  Satan knows where to slither into our lives, and where our weaknesses lie.  My brother could have had so much more in life if he could have only considered the damage his addiction was causing.  

But.

His shoulder hurt.  His arm hurt.  His feet hurt.  His head hurt.    You get the picture.  My guess is that it was life that hurt for him more than anything.  Just.  Life.  I guess some people just don't do life well.

I hate addictions and I hate satan who says we need them!

My addiction has always been chocolate.  And yes, food can be an addiction as well.  Eating junk food has been a real problem in my life and guess what!!  I'm being set free from that addiction...  I am 3 days off chocolate/junk food/meats/dairy and settling into a plant based/whole food type of living.  Especially after seeing a documentary about how mistreated our 'meat' is before it becomes our dinner!  *sad*

I need to:  Lose weight.  Feel healthier.  Get control of my hypertension.  Fit into my clothes more comfortably. yada, yada, yada.

Is it hard?  Ummm -  yes!!!  It is.  But I am determined now more than ever before, and as I look back on my pictures of Jim I remember his addictions and how much they hurt him, me, and others in his life.  And I don't want that for me.  One day at a time!  To God be the glory!!

Jim's old abandoned house

MORNINGS

My mornings go something like this.  Wake up.  Make the bed.  Drink water.  Exchange a brief 'how did you sleep?' with GP (hubby), Get coffee.  Alone time w/journals, Bible, and God. Shower.  Much needed make-up.  Breakfast. Work.

My mornings go something like this.  Wake up.  Go back to sleep.  Wake up again.  Go out to pee.  Eat treats dad leaves for me on the floor.  Go back to sleep.  Wake up.  Go outside to spy on rabbits and or squirrels.  Inside, and back to sleep.  Wake up.  Outside again, this time #2 potty... here... and there... and everywhere.  Back inside for a quick nap before fortune cookie time.  Follow Mom to the office for my cookie.  Wait!  No one said anything about a photo shoot!!  Down I go.  Through the garage.  Through the laundry room.  Into the kitchen.  Past the dining room.  Back to the couch in the living room where I take another nap.  Life is ruff. ~ Gracie

I Come Broken to be Mended

This is a long ramble just to warn you ..  feel free to skip this post if you don’t have time for a rambling fool haha

You may be one of those people who look back on their lives and say, 

"I would not change a thing about my past because it made me who I am today"   

Well, I'm not one of those people, and let me tell you why...  

There is so much I'd change if there was a waving of a magic wand and  

~Pooffff~ 

a second chance 

Not that I don't love my life now, or who I am....  because I'm perfectly happy with my life. 

But all of who I am today is because of God's mercy and His grace. 

 Not anything I've done or deserved.  

I can trace every anxiety, stress, illness, poor situation or life fail 

back to a decision I have made at one time or another.  

Our local Sears is closing.  I guess most know that already.  It is sad to walk into where 

I once worked and spent so much of my time, and witness

the debris and destruction of what was once a thriving

business.  

I recall my first days of working there, how excited I was to be a 'secretary' (and later, Hearing Instrument Specialist) and out of the back-breaking job of sweat-shop work.

Dress you're best and be kind and friendly to customers.  That was my forward thinking and a really big change would take place in my personality as I left my introverted self behind and fought my inner shyness to become outgoing and personable.  I felt important and useful and like I was growing as a person.

This is a problem to satan.  When he knows God's people are thriving or growing for good, he will slither in unawares and steal your joy.  he did that with me.  he convinced my husband at the time that  my change was for the bad.  he worked with co-workers to entice me and to make me believe that my husband was bad for not trusting the extremely faithful me.  he worked with me to free me from the bondage of a jealous husband who had no foundation to believe the lies he was believing.

It was all a recipe for disaster.  A divorce followed.  A falling away from everything that I believed to be right and true and good followed.  

But a wonderful growth and closer relationship with God followed as well 

NOT because of anything that I did...  

but because of the MERCY and GRACE 

God gave me following my mistakes.  

I suffered.  I hurt.  I cried.  

I felt as though my world was crashing in on me.  I felt alone and afraid.  

I remember crying through Church on many an occasion.  

I was broken.  But I did not understand why.  So I prayed wholeheartedly

that God would help me through the loneliness and despair. 

I never gave up asking God to help me.   

I fell to my knees over and over again asking God to forgive me and change the direction of my life.  I talked to God about each of my bad decisions and was humble before Him, confessing and asking forgiveness.  I did this for years and years, saddened by the mess I made of my life and the many lives of those I loved.  To look at me, my life did not look like a mess at all.  It looked pretty great!

  But divorce is messy.  It hurts many and changes everything.

  But the mess was not an outward mess, it was inside - in my heart.  You see, when God's people make bad choices it grieves their hearts..  and if it doesn't ...  then His chastisement will lead to a grieving heart.  It's how God works.  I've read that he does chastise those He loves, and that's how I know He does love me.  Otherwise, He would have left me to continue in my self-destruction.  

Eventually, He led me to a much better place!  He gave me strength and wisdom to work hard to become more independent and strong as a working woman.  He provided me a much better position  and eventually gave me a business of my own.  I found love again and a future.  I cannot take credit for any of this, nor can I give the credit to anyone else.  It was God.  All things good come from Him.  

I am so very thankful that (even now) when things seem hopeless and life's choices seem to have brought me to a life questioned, I look to Him and He shows me how I need to act/react, change, respond, make decisions, etc.  He reminds me, feelings are not facts.  Sometimes I need to tuck my feelings deeply away and go through the motions of life.  Do what is right, even when it does not feel right.  One day at a time.

And when I have no one left who I can count on,  I have God.  

He's here now, and always has been.  Even when I veered away from him.  

He watched silently and sadly, allowing me to go through some storms

 and knowing exactly when to bring reprieve.

As hard as I try, I cannot say that I like chastisement.  So... yea...
If I had a second chance, I'd make better choices.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!  

lots of good memories there...  

me at my desk back then....

"I come broken to be mended

I come wounded to be healed

I come desparate to be rescued

I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned

By the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms

Praise God, Just as I am."

Me at my...  wait... this is my office, but where's my desk?

Checking In

Been busy with life with not much time for blogging.  But let's catch up a bit.

How was your Halloween?  Us old folk just kinda hung out at home and enjoyed the wee ones stopping by for some treats.  

The neighborhood was flooded with kids knocking on doors and begging candy.  So we thought we'd join in the fun.   What do you think?  Am I retirement-worthy yet?  LOL **See video below** 

                                          

Snow has come to our neck of the woods ...  early- much.  Not a fan.  But Gracie and I are here to report that we got 11 inches.  Boo!!

Dance rehearsal time ...  and Rissi was the star...

Gracie decided she wanted to be a rock star for Halloween.  She asked to sing her beloved Samson a song...

Where Are You, My Samson

Samson, I miss you.  Haven't seen your sweet face in so long,
That is why I made up this song.
California fires are raging and I think about you every day,
For you, your mom, and Faith - I continue to pray.

So Samson, be safe... I'll wait for your return,
You've been absent too long but patience I must learn.
I know you're alright...  you're my one and only
Come back to blogland soon - So I won't be so lonely..

Your Gracie

Next topic:  Our Karate kid.  She was happy to get her new belt...

And speaking of new...  the hubby got...  a new car.  Well, almost new.

Halloween lingered...  and a warewolf showed up at our house one night.

I smell Jake

My new neighbor gifted me a gift certificate to have my nails done.  We are so blessed to have such good neighbors.  So during Summer's sleepover with us, I took her along for her first manicure.  She was excited!

Sorry this was such a random post...  I wanted to get something on but didn't have much time to think about it so this is what you get!

I am very anxious to slow down after Thanksgiving and start visiting blogs again...    Missed you all.

14

For a season, I neglected blogging and began facebooking more instead.

Facebook is okay, but it does not compare to the satisfaction I get from blogging.  Facebook is sometimes a battle zone for political views and oftentimes if you share a photo or meme that you thought was awesome, someone will burst your bubble and say it was proven fake.  so then you're like.  oh.  oops.  sorry.  and you become reluctant to share cool photos or events or whatever.  You are constantly under a microscope - or so it sometimes seems.

Ha!

Blogging is different.  You share your life, your feelings and sometimes even your opinions and rarely are you bombarded with negative responses.  At times, it happens though...  but I have learned to keep quiet and not fight the battle of rights and wrongs.  The battle belongs to the Lord - that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I try not to make negative comments on any blogs that I do not agree with.  We can find something positive in most things so it is my intention to do so or like Mom always said, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all."

I have grown to care about my blogger friends because I have seen your hearts through words written and pictures posted.  My heart breaks to find that one has died be it human or furry-four-legged 'human'.  And when one disappears from blog-land I eventually try to find them... often times hitting a dead end.  And it makes me feel kind of sad...

Gracie turns fourteen next month!  14!  Four-teen!

No matter what way you say it, In dog years - it is old.

I hate pessimism but it sometimes gets the best of me when I see her labored breathing after a walk or her inability to play like she used to.  I try to imagine my life without her and all I can see is pain.
But she's still good, and we still go for walks, and she still likes her corn on the cob and belly rubs and she still likes to play keep away and tug of war.  

Some mornings her treats lay untouched on the living room floor and I think...  is she losing interest in life?  But then, they disappear and she is begging for a walk once again.

Ready to live.

Two Things

The audiobook is now available through Audible!!  So excited!  Sheree Wichard did a wonderful job at bringing this book to life.  Try Audible for one month FREE and listen to Gracie's Diary a Memoir
HERE!!

ALSO > You can read my new book "LET'S BE FRIENDS" to your children or grandchildren (ages 4-10) Kindle version FREE with kindle unlimited membership HERE!!

What a great time to be an author!!!!

Even if you are not famous or well-known -   It's just plain fun!

Thanks for stopping by...

Gracie says, Good morning and Good night ....

Life and Death

Dear Mom,

I don't think of you much anymore.  They say time heals and I suppose it does.  The hurt is no longer there.  Just photo's, some videos, and memories mostly.  Memories come and go.  That's okay though.  I believe it's a healthy thing to let go of hurt and move on.

Yesterday was a date I remember...  oh gosh...  I don't even know how many years have passed since your departing from this world.  I just know it was on July 5, hours after distant fireworks subsided.  

Death scares me.  I think it's because I've watched so many of my loved ones go through such suffering upon leaving this world.  And then there's the unknown.  We can pretend that we know exactly what happens after we take our last earthly breath, but truth is...  only God really knows how it all comes down.  

I watched Lindy die.  She did it so graciously.  I doubt that I will be anywhere near that calm about my own death.  I've always been the weak one, the one who lacked faith but prayed hard for it.   Do you know about Lindy's death, Mom?  Is she with you now?  And what about Jimmy?  Are the four of you (Dad, too) guardian angels to those of us who are left and still living in this world?  Or are you sleeping until Resurrection day?  I've studied with way too many religions and listened to way too many beliefs to be clear on how it all unfolds.  

But what I do believe is that God's ways are not our ways and that He knows and that one day it will be revealed to us.  It's okay that I do not know for sure.  I do know God.  I know Jesus.  I know that His Spirit is with me.  

Since you've been gone, our family has grown greatly.  I can't keep track of them all!  Remember Jackie?  Your favorite?  Well, he has two boys of his own now.  You would totally adore them!  Jake is the spitting image of his dad.  And Lindsey, oh how you loved Lindsey!  She has two of the most precious little girls!  You would be in Great Grandma Heaven if you were still around.

Every once in a while I will think I want to call you just to say hey.  But then I remember you're gone.  And Lindy.  and Jimmy.  and Dad.  I'm void of half of my family.  

But thoughts of you all have become thoughts of death and dying.  So If you don't mind, I will stop thinking about the anniversary of your passing.  Instead, I will focus on my life.  My family.  Those who are living.

And as I watch them grow, I will see your kindness and your sense of humor and your honesty and integrity.  I will see your legacy .... through them.  and I will smile.  

I thank God for my beautiful family and for a wonderful Mom like you.  God says we will meet again.  I believe that.  

I love you, Mom.

Your daughter,  
Bobbie Jo

PS  The dog.  She didn't mention the dog.  Oh Gram...  what an inconsiderate, self-centered daughter you have raised.  Let me tell you about the dog then, since she is very conveniently forgetting...  you would LOVE the dog.  White.  Fluffy.  Kind.  Sharing.  Loving. She never begs for food.  Always stays still for ear cleaning.  Takes her meds nicely. Never barks at stupid stuff.   Perfect in every way. If you were here you would be one more sucker who constantly felt sorry for her and fed her food you would benefit greatly from her continual obedience and love.  Gracie.

Scattered Thinking

It's rained here a lot in the last month.  I'm starting to think that it's not April showers at all that bring May flowers, but rather May showers that bring June flowers.

A lot of random stuff going through my head these days.  Like: My inability to stick to a diet.  How lonely it is to go on living without my sister and my brother.  Whether I should continue to let my gray hair grow in or should I put color on it asap.  The red tape and lies and absurd, crazy stuff you have to go through in order to get a meager loan to buy a house (not for me, but for my daughter).  How to work hard and be prosperous.  Getting ready for summer.  Etc. 

Each day brings new joys. burdens. adventures.  promises.  I try to stay positive.  Sometimes it's tough.  When someone I love hurts, I want to fix it.   But more often than not, there is nothing I can do.  Just pray.  

I have pages of lists of people in my prayer journal that I pray for each day.  It's always warming to be able to put a smiley face by those answered prayers or to look up to the heavens and mouth a thank you.  This week I did just that when Lindsey's loan finally went through and this sweet family of mine was able to call an actual house their home.  Nine years of apartment living is enough, especially for a family with kids.  God's answer to my prayers far exceeded that which I prayed for.  That is my awesome God!  

When I walked into church today, I could tell there was something that was not right with my friend.  She said she was fine.  But when I asked her "are you sure?", she told me how she and her daughter had a great time shopping one day last month.  Laughing.  Having fun.  Mother-daughter time.  The next day her 45-year old daughter died suddenly and unexpectedly.  Wow!  Not only did God show me how insignificant this past 3 months of worry for my daughters getting a home loan was, but how precious each and every day is with our loved ones.  Thank you God, for showing me this.  

Gary had laser surgery on his eyes yesterday.  His right eye is really bad (glaucoma).  So far, his pressures did not go down but that, another prayer high on my list.  Next month he will go in for a re-check.  He is working hard doing things around the house.  The biggest project is a deck.  Swim time is just around the corner and the deck can be completed in days...  if it would just stop with the rain, already! But.  It's all good.  

There have been so many angels come into my life lately, with messages of revival and hope.  Breakthrough.  Changes are taking place.   Some may seem like bad changes but since my God is an awesome God, all will work together for good.  So I am looking forward to tomorrow as today I pray.

I have just finished a good book.  Good but troubling...  The Devil in The White City.  It's about the Chicago World's Fair in the 1890's and the psychopathic serial killer that stalked the area at that time.  I learned a lot of history, strange personalities, and such...   but it gave me bad dreams too.  Time to move on to a happy book ;-)

So now you know about my scattered thoughts as of late.  I need a vacation, right?

And Gracie says she needs a haircut.