Bittersweet

A REPOST FROM 2015

My mom loved holidays.  She loved the food, the family get-togethers, the time with her kids, grandkids and grand-dogs.

 I can still hear her laughter.  Her complimenting the potato salad and asking for a piece of cake.  I can see her smile.

But with life comes the sting of death as well, and the 4th of July fireworks that were heard from her hospital room on the night she left this world will always echo in my mind and will be a reminder to me that our lives are simply a dash in time.

Our birth -  Our death.

Hidden beneath that tiny dash is the gift of life that God gave to us.  We can use that dash complaining and whining about our lives and the state of things or we can see every day as a new opportunity to move forward in a positive way.

Life can be tough.

 I think if we take "life" too seriously we can easily become depressed and withdrawn.  Yet...  If we don't take "life" seriously enough we can become stagnant in our growth as human beings.

Somewhere there's a happy medium.

Mom was fun.  She always had a smile and to my knowledge she didn't pay too much mind to current events or the state of the world.  She loved everyone and treated everyone equally.  She loved God and she loved Jesus.  What I admired most about her was that she would never say or do anything to hurt another person, not intentionally anyway.

I'm thinking it has been twenty-one years now.

I believe that when someone you love dies, a piece of your heart goes with them.

Tonight as I hear the sound of booms and bangs from the 4th of July fireworks in a distance,  I will be swept back in time...  standing in that quiet, hopeless hospital room, holding her hand and thinking about a hot summer's picnic beneath the willow tree in our yard as she asks me to pass the potato salad, please.

Life and Death

Dear Mom,

I don't think of you much anymore.  They say time heals and I suppose it does.  The hurt is no longer there.  Just photo's, some videos, and memories mostly.  Memories come and go.  That's okay though.  I believe it's a healthy thing to let go of hurt and move on.

Yesterday was a date I remember...  oh gosh...  I don't even know how many years have passed since your departing from this world.  I just know it was on July 5, hours after distant fireworks subsided.  

Death scares me.  I think it's because I've watched so many of my loved ones go through such suffering upon leaving this world.  And then there's the unknown.  We can pretend that we know exactly what happens after we take our last earthly breath, but truth is...  only God really knows how it all comes down.  

I watched Lindy die.  She did it so graciously.  I doubt that I will be anywhere near that calm about my own death.  I've always been the weak one, the one who lacked faith but prayed hard for it.   Do you know about Lindy's death, Mom?  Is she with you now?  And what about Jimmy?  Are the four of you (Dad, too) guardian angels to those of us who are left and still living in this world?  Or are you sleeping until Resurrection day?  I've studied with way too many religions and listened to way too many beliefs to be clear on how it all unfolds.  

But what I do believe is that God's ways are not our ways and that He knows and that one day it will be revealed to us.  It's okay that I do not know for sure.  I do know God.  I know Jesus.  I know that His Spirit is with me.  

Since you've been gone, our family has grown greatly.  I can't keep track of them all!  Remember Jackie?  Your favorite?  Well, he has two boys of his own now.  You would totally adore them!  Jake is the spitting image of his dad.  And Lindsey, oh how you loved Lindsey!  She has two of the most precious little girls!  You would be in Great Grandma Heaven if you were still around.

Every once in a while I will think I want to call you just to say hey.  But then I remember you're gone.  And Lindy.  and Jimmy.  and Dad.  I'm void of half of my family.  

But thoughts of you all have become thoughts of death and dying.  So If you don't mind, I will stop thinking about the anniversary of your passing.  Instead, I will focus on my life.  My family.  Those who are living.

And as I watch them grow, I will see your kindness and your sense of humor and your honesty and integrity.  I will see your legacy .... through them.  and I will smile.  

I thank God for my beautiful family and for a wonderful Mom like you.  God says we will meet again.  I believe that.  

I love you, Mom.

Your daughter,  
Bobbie Jo

PS  The dog.  She didn't mention the dog.  Oh Gram...  what an inconsiderate, self-centered daughter you have raised.  Let me tell you about the dog then, since she is very conveniently forgetting...  you would LOVE the dog.  White.  Fluffy.  Kind.  Sharing.  Loving. She never begs for food.  Always stays still for ear cleaning.  Takes her meds nicely. Never barks at stupid stuff.   Perfect in every way. If you were here you would be one more sucker who constantly felt sorry for her and fed her food you would benefit greatly from her continual obedience and love.  Gracie.

Selfless

On Friday, January 30, my brother Jimmy lost his battle to cancer.  

Well, it wasn't really a battle.  He did not choose to fight.  

He was like that.  The only fight he ever had in him was when he was a much younger spit-fire or when he served in the VietNam War as a Marine.    

He was a good guy and I will miss him dearly.  But this post is not about him.  That will be later.  

This post is about selflessness.  Doing something for someone else and not expecting anything in return.  Doing what your heart tells you to do...  Going out of your way for someone.  

I don't often talk about my husbands selflessness...  mainly because he rants and raves and complains a lot and that causes  me to not want to talk about all the good stuff. 

*insert chuckle here*

But

I do want to take this time to thank you Gary for the past several months of love and compassion.  For being there for me when I needed you and being somewhere else when I needed to be alone.  For understanding.  

For the chocolate you bought me this past week when I was sick with the flu and for the hot chicken noodle soup you brought home to me.   

But even more importantly than that:  

My two youngest kids had not been able to see their Uncle Jim and had no way of getting there (Hanover, PA) to see him.  

You volunteered.  

Now, this drive is not so easy for you with your own physical problems, but you did not complain.   You were glad to see them visit with their uncle one last time.  

Selflessness

That day will live in their hearts and mine forever.  We had a great visit.  And it would be the last time any of us would see him again.    

This post goes out to you, my husband, my best friend, the one I admire and adore.  I have seen your tears too, and I know you loved Jimmy.  But you stood in the shadows, helping out when you could.  You were so good to him and he always appreciated your gift of friendship.   Jimmy never once hung up the phone without asking how is Gary and tell him 'hey'.

Jimmy will be greatly missed,  but before this day went any further I wanted to thank you Gary for your part in my life.  You do so much,  and often it may seem that it goes unnoticed.  It does not.  I love and appreciate you.  

   

Stop and Smell the Rain

After weeks of watering our own flowers,
 plants and shrubbery because of the
dry weather...  it finally happened.

It was beautiful!
It poured for twenty-four
 hours hard and heavy.

Our lawn took on color
once again and started sprouting mushrooms.

There's no man-made garden hose
that can take the place of God's watering of His earth.  

Our wildflowers became brilliant afterwards.

So then...

Yesterday was an all-day
 funeral home viewing and funeral service .

A Dear relative.


 RIP Uncle Bunny.

Then my Granddaughter begged me
 to bring her home with me.


 (She didn't have to beg too hard) 

She played in her 'yard sale' purchased car.  Fifteen bucks and two great batteries.


 (A find from two years ago.)
  

AND NOW.


FOR THE ADORABLE RISSIE MOMENT OF THE DAY:

Me:  Rissie, Where'd you get such cute little feet? 

Rissie: From Jesus. 

Me: What about those cute hands? 

Rissie:  Jesus made my hands.  Grammy,  I want to see Jesus. 

Me:  Jesus lives right here (I point to my heart, then hers. She points to her heart then). 

Rissie: Jesus lives right here? 

Me: Yep. 

LATER.

Me: Rissie, tell Pop-pop where Jesus lives.

Rissie: Right underneath my chin. LOL

And Life goes on...