Tuesday, January 24, 2012

There's Always a Catch

I know what you're thinking...

Bobbi has taken up drinking.  
She's found a way to beat the winter doldrums.   

Actually the bottle of gin is for medicinal purpose.  I recently got wind of a 'natural cure' for arthritis pain that consists of gin and golden raisins.  Has anyone else heard of this?  

My sister recommended it saying it worked for her!  So I did some research online and by golly there are tons of people who swear by it.  

Seriously!  Look it up. 

Soak a bowl of golden raisins in gin for about a week.  Then  put the raisins in a jar and eat 9 raisins a day. In a few weeks you will start to notice a difference and before you know it...  no more arthritis pain.  

So I'm soaking my raisins now.

 And hoping that it works.  

Though I've not been to the doctor I'm pretty sure my hands are full of arthritis and I can't close my right hand anymore.  My little finger especially.  OUCHY!!

Having never tasted gin before, I dipped my finger in the gin to see what it tastes like.  Gin tastes good. 

So if you see that I'm talking a bit irrationally or misspelling words it might be that I've eaten one too many gin soaked raisins.  

Dear Diary,  

Today I got a surprise.  Mom said, 'Gracie do you want to go for a walk?'  WHAT?!  A WALK?!  I'd been watching other dogs up and down the sidewalk for thousands of days thinking... huh...  I don't get walks anymore.  My mom is too lazy says it's too cold.

But then when we came back from our walk..  

she had that look in her eyes...

and she said, 'daddy was right... it's too dirty outside to be walking..'

I wanted to run.  But my feet wouldn't move.  I was paralyzed.  I trembled in fear.  

I begged her to think about what she was doing.  She felt no remorse as she yanked me through the house and back to the bathroom. I knew my fate.  There was no getting away.

I begged...  'please mom, just let me have a minute to catch my breath and get a drink of water'. She wasn't hearing any of it.

Some words of wisdom to all of my four legged friends out there:  

Sure, walks are nice but in the middle of winter??  I'd be a bit suspicious. 

If it seems to good to be true...

Then it probably is.  There's always a catch.

I am now a very angry dog.

And since I'm not allowed to destroy mom's shoe, I'm going to rip this angry bird to shreds.