Tuesday, January 7, 2020

Top 10

Top 10 things to do after the Christmas chaos has died down.

1.  Undo all that you did the day after Thanksgiving (to get ready for Christmas).  If you are anything like me, it will take you a complete 8-10 hour day to accomplish this.  And repeat these words:  "I'm getting too old for this!"

2.  Now, vacuum.  It's a mess.

3.  Watch some television and comment on how dull your house looks without all the bright lights and Christmas bling.

4. Create possible New Year resolutions in your mind.   

5.  Finish up the cookies and curse the day you baked them and the extra pounds you added to your waistline.  Now, throw away the rest of that fudge...  it didn't turn out that good, anyway.  Time for a diet lifestyle change.

I'll take it from here...  (says Gracie)

6.  Vomit and poop all that anxiety and stress away (of the turning of your world upside down)...  do it on the floor and all through the house while everyone is asleep.  They will know better than to take away your peace next year. 

7.  Stay alert!  Don't let them slide meds down your throat for nothing!!!  Bite them if you have to.  

8.  Sleep

9.  Now that you've gotten their attention, hold out for the good stuff.  Chicken and rice are okay, but roast beef is better.  It's in the fridge.  Wait for it.  If you play your cards right, this will be offered to you along with the meds.  But be vigilant.  Spit the meds out!!  Let them suffer as you have.

10.  When you can no longer squeeze another runny, disgusting pity poop out - run and get a toy so they know you're feeling better.  They've suffered enough.  Maybe. Repeat next year if necessary.