Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Trick or Treat... Don't Touch Me or I'll Take You're Hand Off!

17 Reasons Why Man Woman Should Never Take 
His Her Best Friend Trick or Treating.

by Gracie Phillip

1.  Said dog may just have some socialization issues and feel inferior around others of her kind.

2.  Dog may feel embarrassed by silly outfits that dog is forced to wear.

3. Dog may take offense when others of her kind who are also dressed in silly outfits feel the need to be too friendly... if you know what I mean...

4.  Dog may feel left out when mom woman decides other dogs are cuter than said dog.

5.  Said dog may become flustered and irritated when headpiece of goofy outfit becomes mussed.

6.  Said dog may be afraid and want to go home but woman insists on looking at other cute dogs and talking to people.

7.  Dog may become intimidated and fearful of evil devil dogs that lurk around every corner.

8.  Said dog may have bad memories of Veterinarian Hospital in spite of the treats and decorations throughout and in each room and around every corner and said dog may try to bite every kind sneaky hand that reaches out to give it a treat shot and said dog may remember the vet that put said dog to sleep and had his way with her as he now tries to reach out and kill pet said dog and said dog may snap at veterinarian and poop on the floor causing confusion and chaos amidst the festivities as vet runs for paper towels to clean up huge pile of nervous poop from floor.

9.  Said dog may have been told that she should avoid skunks at all cost.

10.  Said dog may fall in love with tall, dark and handsome strangers... never to see them again.

11.  Said dog may be a little nervous about yet another stop ~ a pet parade at the mall, where she's never before been.

 12.  Said dog may be irate with woman because she got her to the mall too late for the judging of the cutest pet.   And she was sure she'd win!

13.  Said dog may feel anxiety and just want to go home.

 14.  Said dog may be forced to socialize despite her introverted ways.

15.  Said dog may have a reality check and realize that even if she would have gotten to the mall sooner...  there is one cuter than said dog...  Huh!

16.  Dog has to be face to face with cousin Opie who tends to be a little on the frisky side for said ol' girl.

 17.  Said dog is intimidated and reminded that young cheerleaders are so much hotter than old brides.  Humph.

Dear Diary,
Tonight I got Beggin' Strips and an orange bandana.  I'd rather not get into what I had to do to get them.  Let's just say, it wasn't one of my better evenings out.  Gracie.