Saturday, May 7, 2022

~ The She Was Me ~

She'd got the call just as she was walking out the door for Sunday School. Her mother needed her.

"I've somehow got my walker stuck between the bedroom and the bathroom and I can't pull it free. I don't know what to do," her mother's voice sounded shaky.

"I'll be right there."

Her time was not her own. Ever since her mother had become sick two years earlier she decided that life is short, her mother would not always be with her, and that she should not only savor the moments but be there for her as well. Two years of being there were wearing thin. She glanced in her rearview mirror to note a good hair day. Wasted on being a caregiver to her mother. She sighed. When would she have a life again?

"There ya go, Mom." She said, freeing the walker and forcing a smile. Mom scuffed to the bathroom while her daughter made toast for breakfast.

"This is the best toast I've ever eaten," said her mom. She smiled, happy to please and no longer thinking of how inconveniencing this trip was for her. Glancing down at her watch, she realized Sunday School had already started. "Would you like another couple of slices?" She asked her mother.

"Oh boy, would I ever!"

She was convinced that it wasn't the toast that was filling her mother with satisfaction, but rather the love from a daughter who was willing to drop everything to be with her.

When breakfast was finished, the two talked, laughed, and reminisced.

"When you kids were younger, I'd always remind you to get your flower at church on this day. I figured with the seven of you, I'd have enough to plant a nice little flower garden out front."

Petunias. Always petunias.

Her mother apologized for taking her away from her own children on Mother's Day. She reminded her mother that there was no other place she'd rather be than with her mother.

Two months later, her mother was gone.

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

***~~~~~GRACIE UPDATE ~~~~~~***

 The day is getting closer.  That dreadful day of goodbye.  I'm doing a lot of praying.  It's a hard season of life for all of us.  Gary. Gracie. Myself.

In spite of my own aches and pains, God has given me the strength to care for my sweet girl and I am ever-so-grateful.  We have had a couple of not-so-good days here.  Gracie is having trouble holding herself up when she does #2, which wasn't too much of a problem before - since we could hold her up when her legs did not want to hold her up.  But now she has become random in her potty needs and it's hard to know when she needs to go.  At night we cover the living room in pads just in case.  

She sleeps at the foot of my side of the bed and we have arranged pillows, side rails, suitcases, bookcases - and anything else we can put up against the bed to keep her from jumping off.  She still does the ramp, but would rather be lifted onto the bed.  

She's a love.  She enjoys good food, lots of love, and small walks outside.  Also, on a good day, we will load her into the car and take her to the railroad tracks (towpath) for a change of pace.  She trembles when we put her in her car seat but the drive is only minutes, and then we are there and all her anxiety is replaced with joy.  Her sense of smell still stimulates her and makes her happy in life.

We have graduated from Arby's Roast Beef to a more expensive and further away Roy Rogers Roast Beef.  "It's so much better," she tells us.  But when her bowel movements become a little sloppy we go back to chicken.  Even though it is not her favorite, it is so much better for her digestive system.  And with her falling back into her poo, it is best to have a solid stool to fall in.  A surprise bath on Sunday after church caused great anxiety for her - but the mess we came home to after church throughout the house and covering her was just too much!  

I'm talking to God a lot these days.  I need to know when.  I need to have peace about it when it is time.

This little girl has brought such happiness to our days.  I cannot even imagine my life without her in it.  Gary and I will have been married 20 years this September.  She will have been with us 18 of those years - God willing she makes it that far.  With summer nearing, I am doubtful that she will.  She does not do heat well.  But only God knows what lies ahead.  

I just wanted to give all our blogging friends an update on Gracie.  I've watched as many of our friends have lost their fur babies, as heartbreaking as it is.  Gracie's time is nearing.  I felt it only right to share with you all because just as I love your fur babies I know you love Gracie.  

We take one day at a time.  I'm glad God gave me the provisions to retire in 2020.  Caring for Gracie these days is a full-time job and I am grateful for the opportunity and thankful for the beautiful way she enriched our life.  

It was too late for her to write in her diary last night.  But I did snap a picture of her as she rested peacefully IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SIDE OF THE BED!!  LOL.  "Where oh where shall I put my legs tonight?" I whispered.     

Wednesday, April 27, 2022


Life has been keeping me very busy.  Yesterday I celebrated 67 years of life.  Seriously, that number is hard for me to say.  I am a 45-year-old trapped in the body of an old lady.  Ugh.  I picked forty-five for my ideal age because that was probably the year I felt most young, fearless, ambitious, and fit.  

But now.

Anyway.  It was a great day with family and gifts of love.  We began the day as Gracie napped out on the sofa and we snuck out of the house for an hour or so to visit my favorite Amish-style grocery store in Springs, Pa.  Power had just gone out in the store from an accident up the road, but as long as we had cash to pay for our items - it was still a go.  There, I bought myself random items which included a birthday cake (like my decorations? haha) and a couple of books.  It was a weird feeling, shopping in the dark. 


My son, his boys, and his girlfriend gave me a ring light for my TikTok.  Now Gracie and I can do it right ;-)

Daughter Lindsey and the girls (Rissi and Summer) gave me a unique shirt (TIKTOK MADE ME DO IT) and this beautiful candle arrangement.  


I was delighted forced to eat cake yesterday.  Today I begin watching my diet again.  

Dear Diary,  This light mom got for her birthday cannot be a good thing.  I need to practice my 'pretend to be sleeping' skills.  *yawn*  Excuse me now while I take a nap.  No.  For real.  Gracie.