What is your name please?
Contestant #1: My name is Gracie Phillip.
Contestant #2: My name is Gracie Phillip.
Contestant #1: Do you sleep in Gracie's bed at night, or in between your mom and dad in the big bed?
Answer: Ummm ... it's not mom and dad's bed. It's mine. They sleep with me.
Contestant #2: Is it true you own your mom?
Answer: Oh, no. She owns me. I am her perfect pet and will always be here to do whatever she wishes. She is my owner. And I never poop on the floor. Or pee. Just sayin'
Contestant #1: What is your occupation?
Answer: I watch the house and I don't get paid a dime, by the way. My loyalty goes unappreciated. It's the pits.
Contestant #2: What would you say is your best feature?
Answer: My eyes. And my nose and mouth. And my fluffy, white body. Oh. And I don't bark. I don't whine. I don't interrupt my folks while they're eating dinner by begging for food.
WILL THE REAL GRACIE PHILLIP PLEASE STAND UP?
That be me. The real Gracie Phillip.
Dear Diary,
I smell a rat. Gracie.
