Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I Think I'm Okay

I'm glad to have the holidays over and Christmas cleaned up.  Now to focus on what lies ahead.
On January 21 I'll go to Hagerstown to have my surgery.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to go out of town, but an hour away isn't too bad.  
I am such a baby about anything hospital- or medical related.  It could be from being coddled when I was little...  So many nights I can remember going into Mom and Dad's room saying I didn't feel well and I always ended up right in between them in bed.  I felt safe there, like nothing could ever harm me....  Now mom and dad are gone...  and the baby remains> lol.  
Or it could be from taking care of Mom for so many years before she died at age 69.  I knew if I took good care of her I'd have no regrets.  And I don't.  But I do have a lot of painful memories of all the bad stuff she had to go through.  Probably one of the worse times was after she had her heart attack and she was taken out of ICU and put in a room on 4th floor.  I was staying with her, sleeping in the recliner.  When she couldn't get her breath and they had to code her it scared me so badly.  
Then years later, days before she died when I was with her and she seemed okay and was talking to me...  and suddenly she got a terrified look in her eyes, then began shaking and having a grand mal seizure.  I was alone with her at the time.  I went running down the hall screaming for someone to help.  She never came to after that.  She had grand mal seizures about every 10 minutes for three days....  before she let go.  
I could go on and on about the many scares Mom gave me,  But I'd be writing all night.  Maybe that's why I'm terrified of hospitals, doctors, medicine and the dreaded 'being put to sleep'.  Yikes!!!  

But it will all be fine, I know that. 

It's a stupid lesion, no big deal....  (in a really nasty place) >  

But thank you, my blogging friends for your support.  I have found the sweetest, most genuine awesome bunch of people here in blogland...   

I left the doctors office in a sort of shock on that 10th day in November, then blogged about my unpleasant experience.  I was immediately comforted by Mildred who said she'd be praying for me.   Sharon made me smile and gave me words wisdom. She is such a strong person... I admire her gusto.  Melodie was there with comforting words...  and Betty and Liz were praying.  Jim told me not to start making up stories in my head as to what it might be.  How did he know that I was doing just that?  Just that simple sentence from him made me feel better!!  
In later posts many of my other new blogging friends chimed in with comforting, thoughtful, loving words.  

So let me see.  I have God.   I have a wonderful husband, cute & cuddly pup, awesome kids and grandkids, plenty of good God-filled friends, and a collection of the most outstanding friends I've met in blog-land...

And I'm going to get a two-week vacation from work.

  I think I'm okay.


Dear diary,

Disregard # 7 of the resolutions I made earlier...

 you know... the one about sleeping in Gracie's bed at night.   it didn't work out.  

Hey, i was all ready to turn over a new leaf and be the pup Mom always hoped I could be.

I gave it my best shot.  I was ready for change.

But unfortunately...

My bed was not...