Friday, August 12, 2011

Gracie's Diary. Don't Judge Me.

Dear Diary,
When you're owned by a human, nothing makes sense.  Seriously.  Now take my human for instance.  First of all, she yells at me for the strangest things.  I mean...  wouldn't you bark and lunge at a big round rock that was laying on the ground in front of you if it CAME TO LIFE and started growing arms, legs, and YES...  a head?!  And if it had the meanest eyes you'd ever seen!  

Ok.  That's just one of the many reasons why my human Mom is driving me a tad bit crazy these days. 

Then it's every single night...  'Gracie, roll over and let me check for bugs...'  Before she even gets to the 'over' part, I'm on my back with my legs in the air.  Whatever.  It feels good to have her scour through my belly hair and if she wishes to look for..  bugs..  then.. so be it.  

Then there's the bath thing.  It's no secret that I'm not a big fan of water.  Yea, yea, yea..  I know a lot of the dogs out there would give anything to be able to jump into a big body of water and according to mom, most dogs love their bath-time (I'd like to put her through the polygraph on that one) Hey...  don't judge me.

Now she (my human who just happens to be my mom) says I've just about got through the whole summer without bugs, and I'm not even 'protected' whatever that means. 

So why the surprise bath early yesterday morning?  Does she get a kick out of torturing me?  

I'm thinkin'!

 Then to top it off, she wants to have this ridiculous photo session.  'Gracie, your fur has grown in and you look so adorable'.  She says.

 'And Gracie, I'm having a good hair day' today.  Ahem...  If that's a good hair day then pack my bags and send me to the forest to live among the wild animals...  cuz this lady has gone bonkers!

And maybe it's time to set me free...  to bark at rocks that come to life and chase squirrly-friends up trees and run like the wind and..  Well, you get the picture. 

Mom keeps sticking her nose in my fur and telling me I smell good.   I sure don't smell like chickie bird or grilled steak.  I smell  girly.  She is one strange chic!  Very strange.  Gracie.