Bubbles is Here

 On May 26 I had to take Bubbles in for a surgical removal of a lump/wart that had grown pretty big on her back. That same morning I awoke to a bloody faced dog. Yes, you heard that right. Bubbles had scratched her head so invaisively the night before while we were sleeping that she had a pretty bad spot on her head that needed attending to.

So. When I left her there at 8AM for surgery later that day, I was told by the tech that her head would be looked at as well.

I got a call from the vet an hour or so after noon and she said all went well with the surgery. Only one stitch and it would need to come out in two weeks. Addressing her head injury she prescribed an antibiotic and the cone of shame for at least 2 weeks or until her head heals. 

Bubbles is a real trooper when it comes to the cone, but those meds! 

On May 26, four years earlier, around the same time I picked Bubbles up from her surgery, I was walking into the same vet hospital with a dog whom I had spent the better part of eighteen years loving, to say goodbye. I was so broken.

But walking out of that hospital the same time, four years later, with Bubbles... I was reminded of God's love and how He gives us good gifts. 

Life goes on.

Gracie will be in my heart forever. And Bubbles is here now. For a while, hopefully a long while. 

Journaling and God

 Who else keeps a journal?  

In my teenage years, I had diaries.  I wish I had saved those silly young girls' rants about boys, first kisses, and friends' loyalty and betrayal.  I do not remember ever getting rid of the diaries, but since I do not have them today, then I will assume that at some point in my life, I looked at them as secrets I wished no one else to know and sent the pages to die in the dumpster along with the sins of my past. 

Lately, God has been urging me to stop writing so much and start reviewing those journals I did hang on to from adulthood.  

Documenting everyday life and sharing thoughts, feelings, successes, and failures tends to release pressure from one's daily existence; hence, a volcano does not erupt from holding the mess of life inside.  And this:  in review, a journal can convict you - whether you acted rightly or wrongly - a journal review is like you become judge and jury of your past.  

I'm learning a lot about myself by going back into my journals.  I am also learning a lot about God's faithfulness.  I confess that life has not turned out as I had hoped. However, I have learned so much along the way.  And despite the perfect life I had charted for myself that did not pan out - God has been and is still there - directing my steps.  If I step out of line, I have no one to blame but myself.  And that's the beauty of following God and His will.  It is why God's chastisement for mistakes made can be gold if we learn something along the way.  

There is no better therapy than the truth God reveals if we open our hearts to Him.  

Upon leaving after watching Summer at a horseback riding
lesson last year, I came across this beautiful scene.  
God paints the best pictures.  

GOD AND DOG

 It's the funniest thing.  My old girl has become so very 'attached' to me lately.  She used to come to the back room with me every morning, where I had my coffee and wrote in my journal, and had God/Bible/Prayer time.  It was sweet mornings, just me, my girl, and God.  But when she grew old she was unable to make the jump onto the futon where I sit and so she stayed in the living room with Daddy.  A couple weeks ago she started coming back to look for me.  So I picked her up and laid her where she always would lay.  I have to pick her up to put her back down as well.  Now she comes back every morning looking for me.

It's difficult for her to get comfortable there with all her fatty tumors and cysts protruding from her.  She wriggles around and I have to reposition her multiple times before she calms.  But she really wants to be with me for our 'special mornings' so I guess she's willing to take the discomfort for that short while.  

This TikTok video was put on shortly after she started coming back with me again.  

Life Gone To The Dogs

I could say my life has gone to the dogs, but let's face it... it's been that way for almost 17 great years.

My blog started out as Gracie Owns Me, then several years ago I changed it to Growing Old with Gracie and now - well, if I were to rename it now it would probably be Losing Gracie.  

My heart breaks to see her lost in our yard, under a chair, or in a corner.  She tends to pull to the left, the same side as her head-tilt, causing her to run into walls and miss doorway entrances.  

I've piled soft rugs and blankets on even the smallest step landing, to make her walk from the house to outside easier.  Sometimes she'll fall, but it's a soft landing now.  

We'll put her in the car and take her to the towpath for mini-walks until she looks worn out.  She loves her walks, still.  Even if they are only half of what they used to be.  When I heard of the hurricane rains coming our way, I hurriedly purchased a doggie umbrella from Amazon. It came that morning, just in time.

Our lives are dedicated to making her last days as comfortable as possible.

She used to love to go out front and bark at passersby.  Now when I tie her there, she looks bewildered.  Like, where am I and what am I doing here?

She still has her favorite spots to sleep, though sometimes it's hard for her to find them.  

Our entire house is Old-Girl-Gracie-ized.  We have ramps and rugs, pillows, and barriers.  Every time I see a problem, I try to fix it to make it easier on her.  I love when I catch her in a sweet sleep.  I know then, she is not worried or suffering or in pain.  I love when she climbs the ramp at night to join us on the bed, and when she settles there.  Her going down the ramp gives me worry - as she bounces to the left and onto the sides of the ramp, finally making it to the floor.  

She doesn't do well in the car for long drives.  We took her to camp one last time, then we sold the camper and discontinued our contract with the campsite.  When it was time to leave, she refused.  

No.  I'm not going.  I will not go.  I love camp.  You can't make me.

When she is gone, I cannot imagine being there without her.  She has loved it so much!  It would be too painful.  

I've been talking to her a lot.  About how she will probably be leaving us soon, I tell her we'll be okay.  But she will be better than okay.  And that she should watch for us one day to be with her.  Do I think dogs go to heaven?  Absolutely.  I found this on daily scriptures on the Internet: 

And because I love God, I know He will one day bring me and my girl back together again.  

He will bring all of us back together again, all of us who love Him.  

In the meantime, I will take the best care of my girl that I can.  And I will watch closely for her to tell me when she's had enough of this life.  

Shhhh...  I'm trying to catch a nap, can ya keep it down?

God and Dog

 The reason I chose to write an allegorical fiction Christian book (THE HOUSE) is this:

I know God.  I love God.  But I do not understand this love that I have for my dog.  After all, she's just a dog, right?  I prayed, God - what is the significance of this animal that has stolen my heart so completely? Why do I live my life loving her so and depending on her love to enhance each of my days?  She's just a dog!  

That's when God gave me THE HOUSE.   

Before, I hadn't a clue about how my love for my beast tied in with Biblical scripture, and God's love for me. 

If you love God and you love pets, you'll love THE HOUSE.

"She can't live without me....  BOL"

2020 Highlights

 RE: Was the story of the lost eBay package true, you ask?  Well... yea,  kinda sorta.  All except for the diary part.  The package is still MIA, so I'm sure I will be refunding the buyer eventually.  I have refunded a lot of buyers for this reason.  I'm shipping Fed Ex 2 Day now, and things are going much better.  

So 2020 turned out to be the year for permanently closing my office, hence the eBay selling of office inventory and such.  All About Hearing almost made it 10 years!!  

And now, I get to write!

 July 1 my first fiction book was published on Amazon!  I had so much fun creating the characters and writing THE HOUSE.  A kind and talented narrator agreed to produce the book on audio for a royalty share, and it has just been released to go live.  So if anyone would be interested in a FREE promo code for a FREE listen on audible in exchange for an honest review, comment with your email and I will get it to you.  

If you love GOD and DOGS, you just may be interested!  

Awesome God

The year in review would be one spent mostly out doors.  If I were to do a year in review.

God has been more than gracious to provide the most lovely seasons for us during this pandemic.  Spring.  Summer.  And oh, the most gorgeous fall...  

The year has stung, that's for sure, in that vacations, church, gatherings, and family get-togethers have been a no-no - thanks to Covid.    

But God's presence has been huge, at least in my experience with this year.  I am finding Him and His peace even though the world seems to be falling apart around me.  My God is an AWESOME GOD!!

As Covid rears it's ugly head in  a very big way once again, numbers climbing and some urgent changes in how we do things, I stand on His love and His peace and His protection in all things.  

Gracie says, she concurs.

 

I Come Broken to be Mended

This is a long ramble just to warn you ..  feel free to skip this post if you don’t have time for a rambling fool haha

You may be one of those people who look back on their lives and say, 

"I would not change a thing about my past because it made me who I am today"   

Well, I'm not one of those people, and let me tell you why...  

There is so much I'd change if there was a waving of a magic wand and  

~Pooffff~ 

a second chance 

Not that I don't love my life now, or who I am....  because I'm perfectly happy with my life. 

But all of who I am today is because of God's mercy and His grace. 

 Not anything I've done or deserved.  

I can trace every anxiety, stress, illness, poor situation or life fail 

back to a decision I have made at one time or another.  

Our local Sears is closing.  I guess most know that already.  It is sad to walk into where 

I once worked and spent so much of my time, and witness

the debris and destruction of what was once a thriving

business.  

I recall my first days of working there, how excited I was to be a 'secretary' (and later, Hearing Instrument Specialist) and out of the back-breaking job of sweat-shop work.

Dress you're best and be kind and friendly to customers.  That was my forward thinking and a really big change would take place in my personality as I left my introverted self behind and fought my inner shyness to become outgoing and personable.  I felt important and useful and like I was growing as a person.

This is a problem to satan.  When he knows God's people are thriving or growing for good, he will slither in unawares and steal your joy.  he did that with me.  he convinced my husband at the time that  my change was for the bad.  he worked with co-workers to entice me and to make me believe that my husband was bad for not trusting the extremely faithful me.  he worked with me to free me from the bondage of a jealous husband who had no foundation to believe the lies he was believing.

It was all a recipe for disaster.  A divorce followed.  A falling away from everything that I believed to be right and true and good followed.  

But a wonderful growth and closer relationship with God followed as well 

NOT because of anything that I did...  

but because of the MERCY and GRACE 

God gave me following my mistakes.  

I suffered.  I hurt.  I cried.  

I felt as though my world was crashing in on me.  I felt alone and afraid.  

I remember crying through Church on many an occasion.  

I was broken.  But I did not understand why.  So I prayed wholeheartedly

that God would help me through the loneliness and despair. 

I never gave up asking God to help me.   

I fell to my knees over and over again asking God to forgive me and change the direction of my life.  I talked to God about each of my bad decisions and was humble before Him, confessing and asking forgiveness.  I did this for years and years, saddened by the mess I made of my life and the many lives of those I loved.  To look at me, my life did not look like a mess at all.  It looked pretty great!

  But divorce is messy.  It hurts many and changes everything.

  But the mess was not an outward mess, it was inside - in my heart.  You see, when God's people make bad choices it grieves their hearts..  and if it doesn't ...  then His chastisement will lead to a grieving heart.  It's how God works.  I've read that he does chastise those He loves, and that's how I know He does love me.  Otherwise, He would have left me to continue in my self-destruction.  

Eventually, He led me to a much better place!  He gave me strength and wisdom to work hard to become more independent and strong as a working woman.  He provided me a much better position  and eventually gave me a business of my own.  I found love again and a future.  I cannot take credit for any of this, nor can I give the credit to anyone else.  It was God.  All things good come from Him.  

I am so very thankful that (even now) when things seem hopeless and life's choices seem to have brought me to a life questioned, I look to Him and He shows me how I need to act/react, change, respond, make decisions, etc.  He reminds me, feelings are not facts.  Sometimes I need to tuck my feelings deeply away and go through the motions of life.  Do what is right, even when it does not feel right.  One day at a time.

And when I have no one left who I can count on,  I have God.  

He's here now, and always has been.  Even when I veered away from him.  

He watched silently and sadly, allowing me to go through some storms

 and knowing exactly when to bring reprieve.

As hard as I try, I cannot say that I like chastisement.  So... yea...
If I had a second chance, I'd make better choices.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!  

lots of good memories there...  

me at my desk back then....

"I come broken to be mended

I come wounded to be healed

I come desparate to be rescued

I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned

By the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms

Praise God, Just as I am."

Me at my...  wait... this is my office, but where's my desk?

Stripped and Alone

Have you ever felt like this tree?  Stripped and alone?  

I am so glad that God has not really left us alone here in this world.  When every one else disappoints us, He is here.  And if we listen closely, He will show us how we too, have in the past disappointed Him.

Guilty!

But forgiven and saved by His perfect gift of grace.  

it takes is a humble heart.   admitting our wrongs.   a desire to change.

 Relationships.

In this world, not easy.  Satan's mission is to deceive and destroy.  

It grieves me how we sometimes treat one another 

But God reminds me 

this.  is. the. world.  

We are just passing through...

MOMENTS and MEMORIES

As a child, every other Sunday, I accompanied my mom and pappy to a place called Sylvan Retreat. First we would stop at The 7-Day Market picking up a hoagie and an ice cold bottle of Tab for Mom and a Pepsi and pint of Sealtest chocolate ice cream for my mom's mother. Mom called her Mother. I called her my mom's mom. I was always excited to see Pappy and Mom's mom on those bi-weekly visits. First Dad would go to Midlothian to pick up Pappy and bring him to our house. Mom dreaded those Sundays when she'd feel obligated to drive to Cumberland to visit with her Mom and I remember her complaining a lot on that day. But she was faithful in her visits and I'm sure that meant a lot to my grandma AKA Mom's mom, even tho 'Gram' didn't quite understand what was going on around her.
We would sit in the car and visit. Mom and Pappy in the front seat and Mom's mom and me in the back. Excited, I could not wait to open the special gift that Mom's mom had for me, a bobby-pin and a piece of gum or maybe a simple piece of colored paper, folded snuggly inside a thick beige stocking and tied tightly with a piece of string.

Feelings of sadness yet intrigue oozed from my every pore as I watched the delicate, frail, gray haired woman spooning the creamy melting chocolate from the cardboard container and rambling on about nothing. She was a simple soul, carrying a lifetime of sorrow within her wrinkled exterior.

I'm not sure if her belly would be full or if she just liked saving the last of the ice cream for me, but to my delight, I would always be given her leftovers. Then Mom, Pappy and her would chat about nothing for a while and I would ask Mom if I could go for a walk.

My walk took me just down over the hill from our parked car and to a field where beyond the fence lived a herd of cows I referred to then as my friends. My imagination allowed for deep conversation with these black and white cows and I could tell by those trusting eyes staring back at me that these cows got me! "I'll be back in 2 weeks," I would say upon my departure... and they understood.

Our drive home was one of relief for Mom I'm sure, for she had put in her time and had done what was right putting aside her weariness of working full time and taking care of 7 kids.
Sacrifice is a showing of true love. It's easy to do something when you want to do it. But it can seem an imposition when it is something that pierces your daily routine and takes you from your comfort zone of peace.

Mom's sacrifice on those visits to her mentally ill mother back then taught me a lot. There was so much giving! Pappy would come armed with little black licorice sugar coated babies to hand out to us kids. Mom would give her mom ice cream and pepsi and even more importantly - her time! Mom's mom would give me a gift and then she'd save the last of her ice cream for me. Those cows gave me a friend and a listening ear. And now that I am an adult, my hope is that those role models from yesterday have impacted me to where I too, can be a role model for those around me.

Never underestimate the power of a moment.

For in that moment, you just may see God working in a life, or two or three.

We Have Grown Apart

For some reason I am not able to pull any photos off of my IPad to post on my blog.  Just another one of those life glitches I suppose.  Life has plenty...  This one being a minor glitch but I did want to share the beautiful sunrise with you from this mornings beachfront condo.  Sorry it won't let me.

It was hot today and I did almost nothing at all for the entire day.  We did venture out for an early dinner.  I had cream of crab soup ...  What am I thinking on a hot summers day!!  But it was good.  The best.  Awesome.

I sat out on the balcony for a while and reflected a bit ...  Thinking back to the very first time I laid eyes on the big, mysterious sea and my thoughts back then...  I was eighteen at the time.  My thoughts were, Wow!  I would never be any closer to God than I was then... Alone in the black night feeling the strength of those waves stinging my legs as I bravely walked on and on... following the oceans edge until the familiarity of my hotel was out of sight...  Just me and God.  The better part of my life was in my future then as I asked God for answers to some of life's more difficult questions and that He embrace me and remove the lonely from me.

That was over forty years ago.

The sea and I have many memories to share in those forty-some years.   We would come together time and time again and my love for its mystery and beauty would never grow old.

We have grown apart a little though... The sea and I.   I am not the same impressionable girl I was back then.   Too much of the world has left me jaded and not nearly as much in awe as I was back then... During those years of innocence.  Growing older, I complain about the hot sun and the mess that the sand makes as it clumps between my toes.  The ocean waves still roar ... Likely the same as they did those many years ago.  Still beautiful.  Still mysterious.   The sea did not change.  But I am sure that I have.

I watch the seagulls soar above in the clear blue sky without a care and I think of my mom... Many years gone.   She loved it here.

The memory of years gone by sting, just as those ocean waves stung against my skinny sunburned legs that warm June night of my youth .... A lifetime ago.

Liking You

Whether it's wearing your Grammy's best shirt...

Or dressing to the T in purple silk and lace...  

If, at the end of the day, you like the person looking back at you in the mirror...

You are honoring God.  For it is He who has created you.  In His Image.

Answers to Prayers

I pray for my grand-angels every single day.  This weeks Bible School journey for the girls is an answer to prayer.  More than anything else in life, I want them to know Gods love.    

Dear Diary,

Went to a new doctor yesterday.  Mom says it is an answer to prayer because he concurred with my regular doc.  All the bumps and lumps and such all over my body seem to be harmless but mom needs to watch.  This doc scraped a big ol' chunk of plaque off my back teeth.  Honestly, if I were the mean dog the nag says I am, I would have ripped that guy to shreds the minute the muzzle was removed but hey.  I was just glad to have that thing off.  And, I wanted to prove her wrong.  Mission accomplished.  Oh, and BTW ..  both docs also concur that I look pretty darn good for my age.  Just sayin'  Gracie.

On Forgiveness

One of the most difficult things to do.  It's something that I always need God to help me with.

How can I forgive someone who does not even deserve it?

 Should I forgive when there is no apology?

Why does God say that He will forgive us as we forgive others?

In pondering these doo-dads that float around inside my brain, I go to the source for my answers.  The Word of God teaches that He will forgive us as we forgive others.  He also says that the heart is deceitful above all things (Jer.17:9). Does that mean my heart too?

So as I read further I understand that the wicked, evil person is being called back to God, because God loves us all. And as I draw near to him, I am changed.  As I allow Him to fill my heart, I am overwhelmed with His thoughts and His ways.

This is what God says about the contrite and humble spirit:

Isaiah 57: 18. I have seen his ways, and will heal him.  I will lead him also and restore comforts unto him and to his mourners.  19. I create the fruit of the lips.  Peace, peace to him that is far off, and to him that is near, saith the Lord, and I will heal him.

But, of the wicked God says:

Isaiah. 57:20. But the wicked are like the troubled sea, when it cannot rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt.  21. There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked.

Isaiah 55:7

Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and He will have mercy upon him: and our God, for he will abundantly parden.   8. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, either are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

Dear Lord, 

Today I ask for the spirit of forgiveness.  I ask also, that you forgive me in like manner.  Every day is a new day.  Every day I try to do the right thing.  Every day I fall short.  Let me see You in my thoughts and in my actions.  Deliver me from anger and resentment.  Let my thoughts rest upon your Hope for a Heaven where Your peace will fill my days.  

Amen.

And now...  Gracie  

Even though I was left out in the cold for a total of 30 minutes with no blanket, no food and no water (only icy snow laying on the ground) while you forgot about me and did whatever you do in that office of yours (which probably consists of eating fried chicken and watching television while you pretend that your dog does not exist) I forgive you, Mom.  And I love you.  And could you please bring me a warm blanket.  Preferably the kind that plugs into the wall...  and a cookie.  And while your at it can you scratch my ear...  I think I might've got a bug outside.  Thanks Mom.  

We Are His Sheep

Jesus.  Fairy tale?  Or Truth?

  Have you ever taken a novel and read a chapter here and there and understood the entire book? 

 The Bible is inconclusive if scripture is taken out of context or if the entire book is not read and considered.

How can anyone understand the importance of the crucifixion  if they do not know about the sacrifices of old?

How can Jesus resurrection be believed if you don't know every detail of salvation that the Bible teaches?

How can we understand God's love, 

without knowing His history?

We are His sheep.  

I am thankful for His sacrifice and His Love.  On this Easter day, which we all know is really just a day we chose to celebrate...  

I remember His sacrifice... and the greatest of His commandments.

Matthew 26: 32-40

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

 ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”