2-Year Rewind. Remembering Lindy.

This is a post from 2 years ago today on one of my blogs.  I still miss you Lynn...  but in my dreams you are still there....

My sister Lindy loved my writings.  She loved it when I would send her cards and write at length about this or that.   We had in the past had talks about what we'd like heaven to be like when we die.  She would joke and say if there wasn't snow, she wasn't interested.  And so I created a work of fiction that included a character whom had a very strong resemblance to her and I gave it to her to read a couple of months ago.  She knew it was her.  She told me she loved it and it made her cry (happy tears).

An Excerpt from MY HEAVEN:

Chapter 3

God was there.  Nobody told me where I could find him, but I knew he was there… somewhere.  I felt His presence.  I longed to see His face.  And if this was indeed Heaven, then wasn’t He supposed to be on a throne of some sort?  Should Jesus be at His right hand on yet another throne?  Shouldn’t all of us Heaven residents be worshipping and bowing down to Him instead of going about our business and creating our own personal Heaven’s?  

The season of winter, which I abhorred on earth, was acceptable to me here in Heaven.  The flakes were big and soft upon my skin as I trudged my way up my sister’s driveway to her big, beautiful mansion on the hill.  I didn’t feel cold though, only a perfect warmth.  She watched from a dimly lit window above and when I reached the large wraparound porch she met me at the door. 

“Come in!” she said. 

She was beautiful.  Her gown was crimson and her blonde hair was in a bun on her head with just a few curls twirling down the sides of her blushed face.  I knew right away that she had been outside in the snow…  enjoying her Heaven.  

Gina filled me in on every  detail of my sister Lily, and though I did not really recognize her from earth I still felt like I knew her.  

On earth she had died many years before me.  First she had diabetes, then her eyesight began to deteriorate and she had heart problems.  Her kidneys began to fail and she had fallen and broken her hip.  It was downhill from there.  She loved life, but her joy had left her and her eyes grew dim.  Then one day she suffered a severe stroke that left her paralyzed.  Oh how that woman suffered!  The day the angels pulled her to Heaven was a day of rejoicing for her.  But how I missed her on earth!  I missed the old times of talking for days on end about everything from soap operas to Nascar.  I missed the way she would call my children over to her house the minute she saw them playing outside in the yard so she could give them a cookie.  I missed her loyalty as a sister.  But though I did not know of her heaven at the time, I knew she was in a better place than that of her suffering.  

“It’s warm in here,” I said.  “Feels good…”

“Here, let me take your coat.”  She said.   I pulled my fluffy white coat off and handed it to Lily.  I could smell dinner cooking.

“Stay for turkey and stuffing,” she said.  

“Oh, that sounds wonderful,” I said.  “I believe I will.”

She made the most fantastic turkey dinners.  This, she did on earth as well.  Thanksgiving was her day in the kitchen and she loved cooking Thanksgiving dinner.

“I have something I want to show you,” she said.   “Follow me.”

I followed her through her spacious old-fashioned kitchen and to the back of her mansion and she opened the door.  Five big dogs came barreling in and I pulled back to let them go through. 

“They were mine, when I lived on earth.”  She said.  I watched as she sat on the floor and played with them and I felt something in my heart that was not a feeling I had felt before.  It was as though I was missing something.

“How do you know they were yours?”  I asked.

“Lorna told me.”  She said.  Lorna was her angel.  She and Lily worked crossword puzzles together every Thursday evening.  

“How nice,” I said.  The dogs were shiny, soft, and smelled of fresh lavender.  One jumped into my lap when I sat down on the divan and a tender feeling came over me.  I had held that dog before.  

“There’s a place just around the bend,” Lily pointed to her right.  “It’s called the Rainbow Bridge, and there you can collect your pets and take them back to your heaven with you to live forever in paradise.” 

“Is that where you got yours?”  I asked.  Lily shook her head. 

I must have had pets before, in my life on earth.  But still, I wondered.

I asked Gina the next day if she would like to visit the Rainbow Bridge with me and without saying a word she motioned for me to follow her.  

As we passed Lily’s mansion I could see the snow still accumulating on her grounds and a snowman now sat proud and tall right outside the door, complete with a corncob pipe, a button nose and two eyes made out of coal.  Lily waved from her window.  I smiled and waved back, then gave her thumbs up.  I wasn’t sure why I was going to The Rainbow Bridge; all I knew is that there was something missing from my Heaven that I needed to be fulfilled.  

Christmas day was the last good day Lindy had.  Today I was there alone with her when she took her last breath.

I touched her forehead and joked around with her for just a minute.  I told her, this is like old times when we'd sit and talk for the longest time... just me and you.  Her breaths were shallow and her eyes dim.  I am not sure that she heard me...  but after I talked to her about her Mansion and the snow and the beautiful place she'd be going to, she took one more breath... then a pause.  Then another.  And then...  nothing.

I am heartbroken.

2 Years Ago... on Christmas Day 

Life and Death

Dear Mom,

I don't think of you much anymore.  They say time heals and I suppose it does.  The hurt is no longer there.  Just photo's, some videos, and memories mostly.  Memories come and go.  That's okay though.  I believe it's a healthy thing to let go of hurt and move on.

Yesterday was a date I remember...  oh gosh...  I don't even know how many years have passed since your departing from this world.  I just know it was on July 5, hours after distant fireworks subsided.  

Death scares me.  I think it's because I've watched so many of my loved ones go through such suffering upon leaving this world.  And then there's the unknown.  We can pretend that we know exactly what happens after we take our last earthly breath, but truth is...  only God really knows how it all comes down.  

I watched Lindy die.  She did it so graciously.  I doubt that I will be anywhere near that calm about my own death.  I've always been the weak one, the one who lacked faith but prayed hard for it.   Do you know about Lindy's death, Mom?  Is she with you now?  And what about Jimmy?  Are the four of you (Dad, too) guardian angels to those of us who are left and still living in this world?  Or are you sleeping until Resurrection day?  I've studied with way too many religions and listened to way too many beliefs to be clear on how it all unfolds.  

But what I do believe is that God's ways are not our ways and that He knows and that one day it will be revealed to us.  It's okay that I do not know for sure.  I do know God.  I know Jesus.  I know that His Spirit is with me.  

Since you've been gone, our family has grown greatly.  I can't keep track of them all!  Remember Jackie?  Your favorite?  Well, he has two boys of his own now.  You would totally adore them!  Jake is the spitting image of his dad.  And Lindsey, oh how you loved Lindsey!  She has two of the most precious little girls!  You would be in Great Grandma Heaven if you were still around.

Every once in a while I will think I want to call you just to say hey.  But then I remember you're gone.  And Lindy.  and Jimmy.  and Dad.  I'm void of half of my family.  

But thoughts of you all have become thoughts of death and dying.  So If you don't mind, I will stop thinking about the anniversary of your passing.  Instead, I will focus on my life.  My family.  Those who are living.

And as I watch them grow, I will see your kindness and your sense of humor and your honesty and integrity.  I will see your legacy .... through them.  and I will smile.  

I thank God for my beautiful family and for a wonderful Mom like you.  God says we will meet again.  I believe that.  

I love you, Mom.

Your daughter,  
Bobbie Jo

PS  The dog.  She didn't mention the dog.  Oh Gram...  what an inconsiderate, self-centered daughter you have raised.  Let me tell you about the dog then, since she is very conveniently forgetting...  you would LOVE the dog.  White.  Fluffy.  Kind.  Sharing.  Loving. She never begs for food.  Always stays still for ear cleaning.  Takes her meds nicely. Never barks at stupid stuff.   Perfect in every way. If you were here you would be one more sucker who constantly felt sorry for her and fed her food you would benefit greatly from her continual obedience and love.  Gracie.