Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Whatever Is Worth Doing At All, Is Worth Doing Well. A Message from The Dog.

Christmas comes and Christmas goes.  But it doesn't come and go without making a spectacle of the dog.

It's like, "Look at Gracie doesn't she look cute?  She's resting.  She's sleeping.  She's angry.  She's getting ready to eat her fortune cookie."  Blah, blah, blah.  

Oh.  And speaking of fortune cookie,  I got some advice for all you amateurs out there on how to get the most from your people:

1.  Be deceptive.  Act like you don't care or you're not feeling well.  They will offer the best of the best just to get you to eat something.  Chicken, steak, cookies,  whatever your little heart desires.  But don't let the smells weaken you.  A sad dog is a pampered dog.  Got it?

2. On top of being deceptive, be your best Hollywood self and test out your acting skills on your people!  

 Example:  Act like you gotta pee really, really bad ...  and don't let their words (like: YOU WERE JUST OUT A MINUTE AGO) deter you.  Go to the door.  Make it look urgent.  And as soon as that door is opened...  pretend to go to the next door (the outside door) but then...  Make a run for it!!!!! In the opposite direction!!!!  Into the laundry room!  Through the garage!  To the office door!  Where you will be rewarded with your fortune cookie for being such a mischievious inventive fast runner!  

3.  Savor>  First observe.  Then smell.  Act like it doesn't mean the world to you and then when you can't take it anymore - crunch into the goodness of that cookie.  And don't forget to leave the fortune behind so it gives your mom something to do like clean up after you.

4.  You are depressed.  Repeat after me....  "I am depressed."  There's nothing that works better than the depressed doggie act to get play time, belly rubs, and unlimited attention from your people.  Works every. single. time.

5.  Go to bed early.  Your peeps will be in to check on you over and over and over again...  offering more of the same, belly rubs, treats, and lots of interaction.

6.  In the event of actual tiredness after playing your people all day, see if you can't find a quiet place to catch some z's without their interference.   It always helps if you bark and make a nuisance of yourself right before...  that way, they will feel they are punishing you by withholding attention.  Then - off to dream-land ....  ahhhhhh....

So there ya have it.   I've been honing these skills for over fourteen years now and if I must say so myself, I am quite the pro.  

Oh, and one more thing before you go.  Fortune cookies are not just for nutrition purposes....  My fortune for today says it all... 

Happy New Year Friends!