Welcoming Victor

Below is a repost from January of last year followed by an update. RIP Vic, we will miss you.

An excerpt from my journal entry: April 28, 2015 

Vic arrived yesterday at around three o'clock.  He made a memorable entrance as he laid on the horn to announce his arrival.  I was not impressed.  And so, another chapter of my life begins.  

~~~~~~

We had opened our home based hearing aid business, All About Hearing, four years before Gary's Uncle Vic's arrival.  GP (my husband) and I did not work well together, so (to save our marriage) he voluntarily retired three years after opening, leaving me to solely run the business, and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE!  

Shortly before Vic's arrival, construction began.  I would need a bathroom for clients who were primarily elderly and often required to visit the restroom.  So, a hole was cut into the wall of the reception area to the garage since the apartment bathroom would belong to Vic, and a small half-bath was put on the far end of my garage to accommodate my customer's needs.  

The week of Vic's arrival was chaotic, with thick dust covering my office and reception area. Dust was visible everywhere and inhaled dangerously, halting business for a time.  

I was against this.  Let me count the reasons why.

1. So much storage space was gone now, and I had nowhere to go with everything.  

2. This lifelong commitment would end with this 82-year-old man needing much more than a place to stay.  

3. The business.  What would running a reputable business look like with life being lived on the other side of the door? I needed quiet to give hearing tests.  

4. The dust from the construction made me very sick for several months. 

5. Privacy would now be limited.  

6. Responsibility would be huge for GP now and more so 'down the road,' and since GP lived with so many anger issues and so much negativity already, I was not sure he could handle the gigantic commitment he was making. 

Lord, give me strength.

Ten years later, let's look at my list of concerns and how life unfolded:

1. There was so much clutter with nowhere to go with it that every day became a day of organizing for me.

2. The 82-year-old man is now a 92-year-old man with failing health.

3. Vic enjoyed his TV loud!  Really, really, really LOUD.  So when I would be in the middle of a test, and my customers could not hear the 'beeps' for Vic's choice movie's cursing and screaming beyond the door of my testing office,  I would tap on Vic's door - and ask him to please turn the volume down.  He would turn it down a notch or two, but not where it needed to be.  I lost sales.  I started scheduling fewer appointments and at times when I thought he would still be in bed sleeping.  GP tried frantically to help the situation by putting up thick curtains to cut down on the loud sounds coming into my office, but it did nothing.  I could not speak of my concerns to GP because an angry rant would ensue.

4. Eventually, I could breathe again, my good health returned, and everything was fine.  I worked around my less-than-good working surroundings.

5. There was never total privacy again.

6. RESPONSIBILITY for GP was almost more than he could bear.  Graphic and insulting details are withheld here...   but let's just say it's been rough.  Vic's last fall, a little over a week ago, was a wake-up call for all.  Vic needed more care than GP was able to give him.   

I waited outside Vic's room with GP, and I could hear Vic inside asking the nursing home worker if they were finished with him now.  They were.  When the door opened, we were greeted with a big smile.  I noted his frail image lying in the bed, and a feeling of peace swept over me.  "They're pretty good to me in here," Vic said.  "Yeah, it's not bad..."   We talked and laughed and shared some conversations with his roommate and family.  

When I go outside to take my dog to potty at night, I feel empty as I walk past his window.  There used to be life living inside that window.  A man I did not want to share my home with, but now it felt foreign to me to have him gone.  From the first day of his irritating entrance into my life, as he lay on that horn up until now, I grew to love the man who would change my world.  

God reminds me, no matter what --- be kind.  And God will do the rest.  And God has never let me down.

 UPDATE:

After a little over a year in the nursing home, Victor passed early Monday morning. The world does not seem the same. 

2007

2026

Isolated

Yesterday I received a call from a woman who wanted to schedule a hearing test for her mother.  We will call her Maggie.

Maggie is in her eighties and has never had her hearing tested.  She is blind and extremely hard of hearing.  Her condition is isolating her from the rest of the world.  

Her son-in-law wheeled her in (she was in a wheelchair) and I tried to carry on a conversation with her.  She was not hearing me.  Her eyes were glazed over and there was no response to any of my questions to her.  

"You have to get down close to her ear and speak,"  the daughter said.  "She can't hear you."  

When I checked her ears they were totally occluded with earwax so I sent her up the road to a walk-in clinic to get them cleaned out before going forward with the test.  

When she came back, she was hearing a little better, but still....  a huge deficit in her hearing.  After testing her and putting a set of hearing aids in her ears, we were able to carry on a conversation with her.  

I now know that she had cake for breakfast and that she wasn't sure what was for dinner.  Her eyes showed life and she laughed at my jokes.  

Her family and I were elated.  

This day is a reminder that God has richly blessed me with the opportunity, skills and tools that can make a difference in the lives of others.  

Each morning I unlock the door and walk into my office (which is an extension of our home),  I feel so very grateful.

  

Taking Advantage of Seniors

Gary's uncle Victor will be eighty years old in March.  He's never been married, has no children, and lives alone in Florida.  

He's set in his ways. 

 Every evening at 6 PM he turns on the Sci-Fi channel.  At 8 PM he has ice cream.   He has emphysema and takes his medications and inhaler at the same time every day.  He goes to the OTB every Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  He eats at Arby's every single Monday.   Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he eats at the Golden Coral.  Sunday he eats dinner at home.  He always carries $5,000 cash on him and gets angry if someone tells him he shouldn't.  

Gary was in Florida last week with him.  One of the reasons he went down was that Victor was sick and needed help in going to the doctor and getting some tests run.  Another reason is, Victor buys a new Buick (pays cash) every five years and he gives Gary his old one.  

Gary's father always looked after Vic, so after he (Gary's dad) died suddenly in '06 Gary stepped in.  It's a sad world, but many people will take advantage of an older, naive, person and think nothing of it. 

A few weeks ago one of the workers at the Golden Coral came to his house (Vic had given each Golden Coral employee money in a card for Christmas, and had put his return address on the envelope...  that's how this guy found him) and asked Vic to loan him $250 to pay a fine.  Vic felt sorry for him and loaned him the money.  While Gary was there, the guy came by to repay the money he owed him.  Instead of writing the check out for $250 he wrote it out for $350 and asked Vic to give him another hundred dollars.    ???   

 Can someone say SCAM ALERT ?? 

 Luckily, Gary was there and said "No way!!" 

 He explained to Vic later that this guy was taking advantage of his goodheartedness.   

As for the check to repay what the guy had already borrowed - it was first 'insufficient funds' then a 'stop payment'.  

Uncle Vic and Gary

Yesterday we went to see Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close.  What a great movie!!  It's about a young boy who lost his dad in the 911 tragedy, and how he deals with it.  

Don't forget tissues...

On the way home we passed a house with about half a dozen police cars out front, carrying guns and looking like something was coming down.  It was. 

 It seems a young man entered an elderly lady's home

 (80 years old), assaulted her (breaking her hip), and robbed her.  From what I understand, it was 

about getting money for drugs.  

People who mistreat the elderly are pathetic.

On a happier note....  

And speaking of the elderly...

Has anyone seen the new Betty White show called 'Off Their Rocker'?  

It's a hoot!  

Hope you've had a great weekend!  

A Little Strange Maybe?

I had  heard stories about Suzie, but one warm spring day I would finally meet her in person. 

It was early 90's and my almost daily visits to the assisted living apartment building where my mom lived, never happened without my 2  year old daughter Lindsey tagging along with her baby doll of choice.   Lindsey loved visiting Grandma.  It was warm in her apartment and it seemed that the sun brightened Grandma's small apartment even on the coldest and cloudiest of days. 

One day shortly after we arrived, Mom got a phone call from the man upstairs. 

No - I mean...  really - the man upstairs. 

His name was Oney.  He wanted us to come up to his apartment. 

Oney had cancer and according to Mom, he was a little 'strange' but very kind. 

He lived alone in his 3rd floor apartment.  Well...  he wasn't quite alone.  He did have Suzie. 

Suzie was a doll.

Suzie was his life. 

He spent much of his day in his rocking chair by the window, singing and talking to her...  and rocking her back and forth. 

A little strange, eh? 

Or maybe just different...  who can say.

When we arrived at Oney's apartment he kissed Suzie on the forehead, 

then he asked Lindsey if she would adopt her and take care of her. 

"I've watched you just about every day for the past year," Oney said.  "You get out of your car and walk to the building..  and this little girl always holds her doll tightly in her arms, taking such good care of it, sometimes talking to it and kissing it.   I know Suzie will have a good home with her." 

Tears filled his eyes as he watched us walk away.  He died several months later. 

  We painted Suzie's  nails and lips and put a wig on her tattered, matted hair.  Then we'd dress her, according to whatever holiday was close.

She was always 'hanging around' and she was loved. 

When Lindsey grew up, and didn't care to have her anymore...

and when she started getting in my way

 (and spooking me when she'd stare at me with those stone cold piercing greenish eyes),

we sold her on ebay. 

I guess there comes a time in our lives

when we must just move on. 

Call Me Sentimental

Of all living things, my favorites to be around are:  elderly, dogs, and children.

Maybe it's their innocence...

Or their desire to please...

They don't expect much from you...

Just a hug now and again...

A listening ear...

An appreciation for their kindness...

They seem to know your heart...

And can feel your love...

They've not been jaded by the worlds unfairness or undeserving blows.  Well...  the elderly have been there - done that - and have wisdom to share on how to get through it all.

Children.  Now, they see beauty in the simplest of things.

And if we can see through their eyes - if just for a moment - we can appreciate that simplicity.

Call me sentimental...

But when I saved Rissa's tiny baby bottle from four years ago,  to display the bouquet she would someday pick for me....

I knew I'd admire it through tears 

of remembrance one day... 

And it would make a most beautiful display...

On her fourth birthday yesterday, we had pizza... ice cream... and played in the yard.  She picked me the most gorgeous dandelions I've ever seen.

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling a lot better. If my mom wasn't such a stickler on following rules, I'd be taking long walks around the neighborhood by now.  She's getting on my last nerve > 'Gracie, quit running'   'Gracie, don't jump'  'Gracie, let me lift you onto the bed.' 'Gracie, don't chew your stitches'.  Humph.  

And then there's 'GRACIE!  YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE RUNNING'.

I appreciate that she took such good care of me, but I'm ready to get these stitches out and live again.  Gracie.

Positive People

I work in a hearing aid office.  

Several months ago it was with a sad heart, (and after my hubby told me that he died), that I scribbled deceased on Dale Wilkinson's file and tucked that file away neatly in the closet with the other deceased files. 

You can imagine my surprise when the phone rang last week and Dale's voice was on the other end requesting an appointment.  Yes, you guessed it.  Dale was back from the dead.  

Note to self:  Always investigate thoroughly when a patient's name is found in the obituaries.  

Though Dale hadn't died, he had come close.  The past year wasn't a good one for him and he was in the hospital with no hope of recovery.  Against all odds, Dale pulled through and his positive attitude never left him.  Next stop - Nursing home.  "I'm staying 17 days!" Dale told them there... even though they were calculating his $$, his home value, savings etc.

  Seventeen days later, he was home.

Dale lives alone and manages just fine, even though he is in the final stages of kidney failure, needs his mobile chair often, and can't live without his oxygen.  He is in his early 90's.  Since he refuses dialysis, it's important for him to be careful about what he eats and especially his salt intake.  Once a month (with his doctor's approval) he throws caution to the wind and takes his neighbor out for Chinese food.  He already has some of his garden ready for the year, and told me about everything he will be planting.  If you were to meet Dale, there is no way you would not smile.  Why?  Because that's a requirement in order to be involved in conversation with him.  You have to smile.  He says so. 

Positive people.  They make a difference. 

If you're reading this, don't forget to smile.  Otherwise, Dale would not give me permission to post this picture of him.

Howard

Yesterday my 92 year old patient gave me his secret for a long and healthy life.  

1. Work hard!

2. Don't worry about anything.

3. Be happy.

4. Eat whatever you want.

5. Eat lots of cakes, cookies, sweets, etc.  

That's all he had time for.  He had to go home and cut some dead limbs from the tree with his chain saw.

His name is Howard and I have decided that he will be my mentor from here on out.  

Depression Times Were Tough

Orville and Lucy were both in their nineties when I came to sit with them about 11 years ago.  I took the 3 till 11 shift, since that was the one available.  They were the grandparents of my pastor and they were in poor health.  


Lucy was bedfast and was kept in the living room on a hospital bed, with a portable potty close by.  Orville pattered through the house dragging his oxygen tubing behind him and watching me closely, making sure I didn't mess anything up.  They were from the depression era, and that meant they wasted nothing!!  

I was ordered to cut the mold off the cheese, save all grease and lard, re-wash any disposable bed pads, don't let the cabinet doors slam shut, don't use too much water, turn lights out, and so on.  Orville even snuck out to the kitchen one night and filled the dishwashing liquid bottle with 3/4 water so I wouldn't waste the dishwashing liquid.  One day the old guy had me in tears with his ridiculous demands and I informed him he should find someone else.  That's when  I discovered the real man. He looked like he would cry, too.  He told me he was sorry and that he didn't want me to leave.  We came to an understanding that day.  He learned to appreciate me and I learned to respect him.

Now Lucy was a sweet, kind darling whom at one point was so sick she couldn't even eat.  We thought for sure we were going to lose her.  I would sit by her bedside feeding her popsicles with a spoon... and tiny morsels of cracker like a baby bird.  Weeks later, she was improving, then she was doing better.  She never worked outside of her home, she was mother and wife with seven children.  I'd sit on her bed at night and comb her long white hair, then braid it and pin it onto her head.  She had a squeaky, munchkin-like voice that I loved and she would worry about me when I'd leave to go home late at night.  "Be careful of the deer," she'd say. 

 Orville too, would worry.  They'd say goodbye about a half-a-dozen times, almost like they didn't want me to go and they'd give me a hug before I left. I could feel the love. 

Now Christmas was coming... and all three of us were lounging on Lucy's bed and talking.  We did that often.  I loved their stories.  Depression times were tough, but in Orville and Lucy's case it produced strong, good, ethical people.  

I had fixed supper, washed the dishes, scrubbed the kitchen floor, and given Lucy her snack for the night.  I don't know how we got on the subject, but Orville told me he had boxes of Christmas decorations downstairs in the basement.  Christmas was three weeks away and the house was void of any sign of it.  "Let's decorate!" I said.  Orvilles eyes lit up.  Lucy grabbed a huge stack of cards from her bedside.  "Here, maybe we can show our cards, too."  

Orville insisted on following me to the basement to help.  "Be careful you don't trip over your oxygen tube," I said.  He told me not to worry.  He was tough!!  The guy didn't look like he went any more than 100 lbs. and he still had his own garden out back that he took care of in the summer....

So we drug bag after bag of Christmas decorations up the stairs and I did my magic.  Hours later the house was lit up with multicolored lights and decorations were everywhere.  

Lucy laid in her bed with Orville beside her, and I sat at the foot of the bed.  Christmas music played on the television.  

Many memories were shared, but the most precious one came when Orville told the story about their baby that was stillborn.  They both wiped away tears as he spoke.  "That baby was so perfect, and so peaceful," he said.  "It looked like an angel."  I cried too.  He told me he'd never witnessed anything so beautiful as that baby was. 

Before the evening ended, I took a few snapshots of them together with my instant camera.  They were amazed by how a picture was spit right out of a camera in minutes.  "Well, look at that!" Orville said.  

A week later I brought them a snow-globe that played a christmas song, with their picture inside.  If I would have given them a brand new color television it wouldn't have meant as much.  They said they had never seen anything so nice.  If they thanked me once, they thanked me a dozen times.  And oh, the hugs I got that night!  Whenever visitors came by, the first thing they showed them was that simple snow globe.

Christmas is not about the amount of money that we spend.  It's about loving, giving of your time, caring, and being there.  God commands us to love Him, and   love our neighbor.  


This Christmas, take the time to know someone, and give them something that money cannot buy.  

That was Orvilles last Christmas, and Lucy passed a few years after that.  If I close my eyes, I can imagine the ninety year old couple lying close together on her hospital bed, watching the lights and smiling.

A Burden

Jack came into my office the other day to get his new hearing aids.  He'd misplaced his old ones.  Couldn't find them anywhere.  His wife is in the nursing home and he was beside himself.  

Jack's been a customer of mine for over ten years.  He never leaves the office without a hug.  If I'm busy, he'll wait on his hug. 

Jack's not doing so well. 

"So you brought your buddy with you," I said... referring to the oxygen tank he carried and placed by his side as he sat down in the chair in my office.

We talked and laughed for a few minutes, then he started to cry.  "I hate being a burden to my kids," he said.  He was waiting for his daughter to park the car and come in.  

"Jack, I'm sure your kids don't see you as a burden.  You're they're dad... they love you." 

 Just then his daughter bolted in.  "He's never been happy with his hearing aids!" she says.  

Jack looked embarassed.  "Yes I have," he said.  "I've always liked my hearing aids."  

My guess is that she didn't want to spend the money.

"No, you haven't," she argued. 

 I could tell he was uneasy.  I looked her straight in the eyes, smiled at her and said... 

 "You look just like your mom!" 

 And she did.  

"I might look like her, but I'm not 

nice like her," she said.

She did softened then, and the mood changed.  

Maybe Jack's daughter was looking out for his best interest and maybe she thought I was taking advantage of him.  Whatever the case...  I got the idea that he was a burden to her.  

"I love your Dad!"  I said as she rolled her eyes.  "Well he better keep track of these hearing aids!"

He gave me a heartfelt hug and took 

his buddy and left.

I'm not sure if the daughter knew how lucky she was to still have her mom and dad in her life. 

 I sure do miss mine.