Thursday, July 3, 2014

10 Tips for a Successful July 4th by Gracie Phillip

Tip #1:  Get up early and don't fill up on the dry stuff.  The kiddies should arrive soon and you want to make sure you have room for their droppings if ya know what I mean.

Tip # 2:  Don't get underfoot.  You don't want to get stepped on.

Tip #3:  Follow the smell.  It will usually lead to the outside grill.

Tip #4:  Do not leave the kiddies unattended.  There is a 95% chance that they are carrying food of some sort.  The minute you turn your back, it will all be shoved into their mouths and they will forget about how you sit, looking longingly into their faces for your share.  

Tip #5:  Do not ...  I repeat..  Do not allow your people to leave the house after dark.  You will need someone to protect you from the bangs and booms of the night.  

Tip #6:  Keep your head held high and your chin in the air.  If guests refers to you as "The Dog", pee on their shoe when they are not looking.  Remember, Mom calls you her baby.  You are no dog!

Tip #7:  Be quick.  My all time record for removing a hotdog from the plate of an  unsuspecting guest when they look up from their plate is 2 seconds.  Remember though, once you grab the dog you need to be able to run fast and gulp down your prize while en route to a safe place.   

Tip #8:  Food will be plentiful.  Pace yourself.  Whatever you do don't make the same mistake I made last year when I tried to bury a chunk of hamburger under Mom's pillow.  Saving it for later = Not a good idea.  

Tip #9:  Don't go near the pool.  Too much splashing going on inside the pool makes for one wet dog.  Too much like getting a bath for my liking. 

Tip #10:  Wear your red, white and blue well!

Happy 4th of July Every-doggy!