~~ Amazing Gracie ~~

 Thank you all so very much for the kind, comforting words following my last post. It means so much to me!  I haven't had much time to sit and write a post...  but I really feel the need to update.  It's hard sometimes to put words together.  

Our vet's diagnosis was a flare-up from her Lymes disease.  He gave her an injection and some predisone.  But still, she did not seem much better.  Another opinion was in order.  

Our girl Gracie is a tough one!  She is not yet ready to give up!  After a grueling couple of hours wait (half being in the car because of covid), Gracie received a very thorough exam and second opinion from vet #2.  He pretty much concurred with her regular vet in that her ear was still a mess, so he had it packed with antibiotics and told me to continue with her prednisone until it is gone.  While there, he found a large mass in/ or near her pelvic area, and for that, there is little hope.  He said she's as good as she's going to get.  But as long as she is comfortable and seems to be enjoying life, we will hang on.  I do not want her to suffer...  and so my prayer is that God let me know when the time is at hand.  She still loves to eat, follows me to my office multiple times a day for her fortune cookie, loves small walks and just being doted over.  The steroid has helped a lot, and she has been several days off of it now and is still doing well.  She no longer falls when going potty.  Some days she is more confused than others.  She will get lost in a corner or under a chair and wonder how to get out, and we will rescue her.  Sometimes she runs into walls or furniture.. gently...  but still.  We are committed to making her last days as comfortable as we possibly can.

We had a mini-vacation planned for last week, and my sister was going to stay with her while we were away, but Gary felt led to stay home with Gracie, and so my sister, daughter, granddaughters, and I made the trip without him.  It felt good to get away from the intense, sad, gut-wrenching day-to-day routine of watching, knowing my time with Gracie will end someday soon. 

My husband asked for one souvenir.  A bit of beach sand.  And so we not only took home sand for him, but Summer collected some of the sea for him as well.  A small price to pay for the great sacrifice (his) of sending us off on vacation without him while he cares for our girl.  

We are taking one day at a time, and enjoying each day, which is a blessing, with our girl.  

THIS IS THE HARD PART

 This is the hard part.  

The watching as she falls in her own bowel movements.  The watching as she staggers around, trying to find her way.  The watching her fall over and over again and when her little legs give out on her.  Watching and waiting.  

Last night I made my bed on the floor, hoping she'd snuggle up to my feet like she does in bed.  But she's a creature of habit, and once I closed the door to the bedroom, where she typically climbs the ramp to join us in bed,  her routine had been interrupted, and she refused to lay at my feet.  I couldn't leave the door opened for her to climb the ramp to bed, she barely makes it, then she falls going down.

She slept sweetly though, through the night.  Up and down a number of times, and outside to potty, and then fall, not able to get back up.  I did not sleep, hardly at all.  

This is the hard part.  Waiting, while she spends the day at the vet's office.  Waiting for him to examine her in between his scheduled surgeries, to evaluate, how shall we move forward from here?

Is her time with us to end now?  Will we continue to fight to keep her comfortable?  I pray for discernment, as I wait for the vet's call.  I will likely go with his professional opinion - what now?    

This is not a very good post, but I just wanted to write something.

This is the hard part.

This morning, on our way to the vet

A Day in The Life of a Senior Dog Mom

At 10 PM I begin the night shift.  This job requires, and/or is not limited to:  letting the dog out, bringing the dog in, watching that the dog is safe and does not wander into a corner and become lost, taking the dog out, bringing the dog back inside, moving my legs out of the way so the dog can sleep there when she wants to, cleaning up poop (in case I'm not pawed awake and she has no choice), cleaning up pee (same), taking the dog out, bringing the dog in, searching for the dog in the middle of the night to make sure I did not leave her out and fall asleep (haven't yet), making sure she does not fall off the bed, googling her issue of the day while trying to stay awake until I hear her bark to come back inside, cleaning up vomit, taking the dog out, bringing the dog in, etc. etc. etc. 

At 9:00 AM.  After coffee, God-time, and breakfast, I finish up my shift.  Kinda.  It takes 3 to 4 bags, and around the pool, I go looking for her night-time poops.  I examine them to make sure they are healthy-looking.  Then I dispose of them.  If worms are found, It's off to the vet we go for medications.  If her stool is funky-looking, I purpose to clean up her diet. 

Monday through Friday, 9 AM to 5PM, my job is not finished.  I need to monitor the dog.  If her eyes look weird and her head is tilted, it's time for another vet visit.  Note:  AC in the car does not stay cold after sitting for 2 1/2 hours in the hot sun.  (Covid restricts us from going inside)  So we wait.  Outside.  In the heat of the day.  When the AC wanes, it is my job to get the dog out of the car and take her to the nearby shade of a tree and don't forget the water.  Not for me, for her.  She needs to stay hydrated.  It's my job.  Oh, and I mustn't forget my debit card.  This one will be a whopper of an invoice.  It was.

Update:  After injections for some type of inner ear thing again, Gracie is doing much better.  She's hearing and seeing better, and her weird eyes look normal now.  She still needs her multiple outside visits from dusk till dawn, but, at least she can somewhat see me waving the flashlight for her to come in the right door.  

Today is a good day for her.  We never know though, what tomorrow may bring.  

#LoveMyDog