Life and Death

Dear Mom,

I don't think of you much anymore.  They say time heals and I suppose it does.  The hurt is no longer there.  Just photo's, some videos, and memories mostly.  Memories come and go.  That's okay though.  I believe it's a healthy thing to let go of hurt and move on.

Yesterday was a date I remember...  oh gosh...  I don't even know how many years have passed since your departing from this world.  I just know it was on July 5, hours after distant fireworks subsided.  

Death scares me.  I think it's because I've watched so many of my loved ones go through such suffering upon leaving this world.  And then there's the unknown.  We can pretend that we know exactly what happens after we take our last earthly breath, but truth is...  only God really knows how it all comes down.  

I watched Lindy die.  She did it so graciously.  I doubt that I will be anywhere near that calm about my own death.  I've always been the weak one, the one who lacked faith but prayed hard for it.   Do you know about Lindy's death, Mom?  Is she with you now?  And what about Jimmy?  Are the four of you (Dad, too) guardian angels to those of us who are left and still living in this world?  Or are you sleeping until Resurrection day?  I've studied with way too many religions and listened to way too many beliefs to be clear on how it all unfolds.  

But what I do believe is that God's ways are not our ways and that He knows and that one day it will be revealed to us.  It's okay that I do not know for sure.  I do know God.  I know Jesus.  I know that His Spirit is with me.  

Since you've been gone, our family has grown greatly.  I can't keep track of them all!  Remember Jackie?  Your favorite?  Well, he has two boys of his own now.  You would totally adore them!  Jake is the spitting image of his dad.  And Lindsey, oh how you loved Lindsey!  She has two of the most precious little girls!  You would be in Great Grandma Heaven if you were still around.

Every once in a while I will think I want to call you just to say hey.  But then I remember you're gone.  And Lindy.  and Jimmy.  and Dad.  I'm void of half of my family.  

But thoughts of you all have become thoughts of death and dying.  So If you don't mind, I will stop thinking about the anniversary of your passing.  Instead, I will focus on my life.  My family.  Those who are living.

And as I watch them grow, I will see your kindness and your sense of humor and your honesty and integrity.  I will see your legacy .... through them.  and I will smile.  

I thank God for my beautiful family and for a wonderful Mom like you.  God says we will meet again.  I believe that.  

I love you, Mom.

Your daughter,  
Bobbie Jo

PS  The dog.  She didn't mention the dog.  Oh Gram...  what an inconsiderate, self-centered daughter you have raised.  Let me tell you about the dog then, since she is very conveniently forgetting...  you would LOVE the dog.  White.  Fluffy.  Kind.  Sharing.  Loving. She never begs for food.  Always stays still for ear cleaning.  Takes her meds nicely. Never barks at stupid stuff.   Perfect in every way. If you were here you would be one more sucker who constantly felt sorry for her and fed her food you would benefit greatly from her continual obedience and love.  Gracie.

Anne Frank Remembered

I had watched the movie but had never read the book.  Finally, just recently I ordered the paperback from Amazon.  Usually, a book is so much more detailed and absorbing than the movie.  This book was no different.

But as most of us know, Anne's story did not have a happy ending.

Throughout Anne's writings, she made mention of a couple,  Miep Gies and Henk who were often visiting Anne and her family in the Annex and bringing them food and gifts.  Anne Frank Remembered is Miep Gies story.  

Tonight I will finish it.  It is haunting and troubling as it takes the reader through those awful days of Hitler's attempt to destroy all Jews.  But it is a story of friendship and hope, as Miep helps the Frank family and others who were hiding out in those troubling times.  If you have read Anne Frank's Diary, you need to read Miep's book Anne Frank Remembered.    You can get it here HERE on Amazon.

It Ain't for Sissies!

I hear it over and over again.  I work with the elderly and so the words ring in my ears often.

"Never get old!"

That's what they tell me.  Those 'old people'.  But I think it is too late.

Guess who is on high blood pressure medicine now?

Ha!

I can no longer brag that I do not have to take any meds.  I now take a low dosage of diuretic to keep the BP under control.  Mine always ran good to low and now, suddenly out of nowhere...  it is off the charts!  210/136 is what my reading was at the ER a couple of weeks ago.  They put me on meds and I forgot to take it for almost 2 days and 2 days of eating the wrong foods and BAM - it shot right back up!  Last night all I could think of was... oh no!  It's going to be back to the ER for me!!! Anxiety followed.  I used my BP cuff that I have at home and became a bit obsessed with it.   The numbers were going up, up, up.  I was not amused.  I told myself, stay calm.  That didn't happen.  Today it's better.

Blah!

Another common quote I hear from my customers:

"Old age is not for sissies!"

It's not.  Really.  It's not.

But, hidden beneath the awful reality of growing older, slowing down, health problems as well as wrinkles and aches and pains...  I search for the good.  And it's still there.

In Chocolate cupcakes that represent our flag....

Giggles and sunglasses....

Big splashes...

Saving the grandkids from Jaws...

Memories....

That can melt your heart....

That is if the sun doesn't melt it first....

And to top it all off, a beautiful campfire that goes into the night, Smores, and sticky fingers ....

The morning after....

Thank you God, for family and friends.  For beautiful summer days.  For good health to enjoy the many blessings.   Hope everyone is having a blessed 4th.

Dear Diary,

It's been crazy around here lately.  The cookie carriers all came over and totally interrupted my sleep. There was no rest for the weary.  They were in and out and here and there and doing this and that and... makes me tired just thinking about it.  The good news is this.  Something called smores.  There were droppings.  Lots of droppings.  I must rest now.  My playful pup days of wreaking havoc and tearing through the house day and night are a thing of the past.  This old gal needs some sleep.  Later. Gracie.