Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I Think I'm Okay

I'm glad to have the holidays over and Christmas cleaned up.  Now to focus on what lies ahead.
On January 21 I'll go to Hagerstown to have my surgery.  I was hoping I wouldn't have to go out of town, but an hour away isn't too bad.  
I am such a baby about anything hospital- or medical related.  It could be from being coddled when I was little...  So many nights I can remember going into Mom and Dad's room saying I didn't feel well and I always ended up right in between them in bed.  I felt safe there, like nothing could ever harm me....  Now mom and dad are gone...  and the baby remains> lol.  
Or it could be from taking care of Mom for so many years before she died at age 69.  I knew if I took good care of her I'd have no regrets.  And I don't.  But I do have a lot of painful memories of all the bad stuff she had to go through.  Probably one of the worse times was after she had her heart attack and she was taken out of ICU and put in a room on 4th floor.  I was staying with her, sleeping in the recliner.  When she couldn't get her breath and they had to code her it scared me so badly.  
Then years later, days before she died when I was with her and she seemed okay and was talking to me...  and suddenly she got a terrified look in her eyes, then began shaking and having a grand mal seizure.  I was alone with her at the time.  I went running down the hall screaming for someone to help.  She never came to after that.  She had grand mal seizures about every 10 minutes for three days....  before she let go.  
I could go on and on about the many scares Mom gave me,  But I'd be writing all night.  Maybe that's why I'm terrified of hospitals, doctors, medicine and the dreaded 'being put to sleep'.  Yikes!!!  

But it will all be fine, I know that. 

It's a stupid lesion, no big deal....  (in a really nasty place) >  

But thank you, my blogging friends for your support.  I have found the sweetest, most genuine awesome bunch of people here in blogland...   

I left the doctors office in a sort of shock on that 10th day in November, then blogged about my unpleasant experience.  I was immediately comforted by Mildred who said she'd be praying for me.   Sharon made me smile and gave me words wisdom. She is such a strong person... I admire her gusto.  Melodie was there with comforting words...  and Betty and Liz were praying.  Jim told me not to start making up stories in my head as to what it might be.  How did he know that I was doing just that?  Just that simple sentence from him made me feel better!!  
In later posts many of my other new blogging friends chimed in with comforting, thoughtful, loving words.  


So let me see.  I have God.   I have a wonderful husband, cute & cuddly pup, awesome kids and grandkids, plenty of good God-filled friends, and a collection of the most outstanding friends I've met in blog-land...

And I'm going to get a two-week vacation from work.

  I think I'm okay.


10 comments:

  1. Thank you for the update Bobbi. I will continue to pray for your upcoming surgery and for the medical team. May God surround you with his peace during this time. Gracie will be thrilled to have your company for two weeks - she's a good nurse!

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  2. You will do just fine Bobbi... re~read this post you just wrote...there you will find all the answers and your fears will be washed away... I too will be thinking of you and as always when one of my blogger friends needs an extra prayer, will be saying one... xoxo Julie Marie

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  3. Hi Bobbi,
    If you are afraid of being "put under", maybe you could talk to the doctor and see if he would give you a local with an IV of something to make you calm and relaxed without being "out". Can't hurt to ask. :-)
    Not going to preach to the choir, give this weigh up and relax, you'll be just fine.
    Hugs,
    Sharon

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  4. Oh, Bobboi, I can say that I DO know how you feel. I went through a similar horrible experience with my mom not too long ago, which I wrote about in a Mother's Day post. I sat with her in the hospital for an eternity, then watched as she starved to death, was made semi concious, and taken off all I.V.'s. It was indescribable, as was your experience. I was an only child and had been coddled plenty. But we are NOT our mothers. They were older and had a whole other set of problems. Today there are wonderful and new anesthetics, and you are healthy otherwise. One day at a time, NO what-ifs. As a deacon, my job is visiting sick people and sometimes I live in hospitals. I have been doing this for a long time and have seen many things. And I have such a GOOD feeling about this, I KNOW you will be fine!!! And since I manage and record our church's 24/7 prayer and information line, they call me the prayer lady, so you know I will be praying for you. Nothing can happen that God does not allow. Feel free to e-mail me any time.

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  5. Their will be lots of prayers for you coming from central FL!!!

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  6. Bless your heart. You're in my prayers.

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  7. Well, Bobbi, now you have another person rooting and praying for you! And I am sure that, if we could, we would all be there to give you our support!

    Try to remember the good times that you had with your mom, Bobbi. Try not to bring sad moments back. I know when we feel fragile, it is difficult, but she would want you to be strong and positive.

    God be with you.

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  8. I always hate being in the hospital, but it will be fine. I think the waiting beforehand is the worst of it sometimes.

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  9. Didnt realize you were having surgery. You will be in my prayers also. The waiting is hard. I want things to be done and over with yesterday!!! I will pray time will go fast for you.

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  10. You will be fine! I will continue to pray for you!

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