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Gracie and me

Journaling and God

 Who else keeps a journal?  

In my teenage years, I had diaries.  I wish I had saved those silly young girls' rants about boys, first kisses, and friends' loyalty and betrayal.  I do not remember ever getting rid of the diaries, but since I do not have them today, then I will assume that at some point in my life, I looked at them as secrets I wished no one else to know and sent the pages to die in the dumpster along with the sins of my past. 

Lately, God has been urging me to stop writing so much and start reviewing those journals I did hang on to from adulthood.  

Documenting everyday life and sharing thoughts, feelings, successes, and failures tends to release pressure from one's daily existence; hence, a volcano does not erupt from holding the mess of life inside.  And this:  in review, a journal can convict you - whether you acted rightly or wrongly - a journal review is like you become judge and jury of your past.  

I'm learning a lot about myself by going back into my journals.  I am also learning a lot about God's faithfulness.  I confess that life has not turned out as I had hoped. However, I have learned so much along the way.  And despite the perfect life I had charted for myself that did not pan out - God has been and is still there - directing my steps.  If I step out of line, I have no one to blame but myself.  And that's the beauty of following God and His will.  It is why God's chastisement for mistakes made can be gold if we learn something along the way.  

There is no better therapy than the truth God reveals if we open our hearts to Him.  

Upon leaving after watching Summer at a horseback riding
lesson last year, I came across this beautiful scene.  
God paints the best pictures.  

LIFE GOES ON AND WE MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT GOD HAS GIVEN US

 Bubbles had a vet appointment this morning.  Find out all about the results here. 

Today, I would like to talk to you about 'absence.'  You know... when someone has been there for such a long time, and now they are gone.  

My dad died at fifty-three years of age.  His absence left me sad.  At age sixty-nine, my mom died.  I missed her even more than my dad because she was with me longer.  A lot changed after she was gone.  

Nine years ago, I lost a sister and a brother, both in the same year.  I never realized losing a sibling would hurt so much.  But it did.  And their absence stings to this day.  

It will soon be three years since losing Gracie.  Oh, the emptiness that was left in our house with her absence.  

At night, when I take Bubbles outside, I pass Uncle Vic's window, and there is darkness in his apartment. I no longer hear his TV blaring or see him struggling to eat dinner at the kitchen table.  It does my heart good to know that I can still visit with him in the nursing home.  But his absence here at home hurts a little.  

Many people and pets, for one reason or another, become absent in our lives as time marches on.  Some people do fine with it.  Some medicate to help with sadness or sorrow or just life in general.  Some choose to drink or drug their way into feelings of comfort.  I prefer to feel the sadness. Something is cleansing and freeing in the spirit about feeling sad, crying, and moving on.  

When I examine my life now and compare it to ten years ago, I go to the final words of this incredible Bible verse:  

Psalm 30:5    ...  weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

And the joy that comes from God is better than any drug out there.  Its supernatural perfectness is what I want and seek more than anything else.  

Absence, I found, is okay.  When one door closes, another door opens.  When one person, dog, or pet is removed from your life, another enters, and your heart goes on.  And as long as God stays - you are never alone.   

My Grandma 

*Life Goes On *

If there is one thing I have learned about Google it's that...  once you put something online in the name of Google - it is almost impossible (for this ancient mind, anyway) to take it down.  I have been trying to clean up my various YouTube channels.  Yes, I have too many and here I am not remembering my email or passwords from 10+ years ago.  So well..  anyway.  

I come to blogger (thank you, Google for preserving all things Gracie) and everything is still as it was.  I started a new blog for Bubbles (our new baby) but I have not been consistent in growing it or updating it.  I like Blogger because I feel comfortable here, writing my thoughts, sharing my photos, and interacting with long-lost friends who do not care if my punctuation is off or if I am foolishly writing about silly, everyday stuff.  That's what life is all about.

*sigh*

I was so hurt to lose Gracie, I wanted to put it all behind me.  But Bubbles has helped me to conclude that my Gracie days are not over at all. She lives on in my heart, just as many of my family and friends do - who have passed on from this life. 

Memories are a beautiful thing and today I am reviewing old journals, both prayer journals and daily journals. I intend to do this for a while because I believe that is what God is leading me to do. Going back five, ten, or even twenty-some years - I can see so much about who I was and how God worked to bring me clarity and vision on how to go forward each day despite my weaknesses and sins and be better. 

Still, every morning I need to examine my ways, thoughts, and life in general and ask God to reveal to me the stuff of life that will draw me closer to Him and away from myself. Keeping a journal is a good way to document God's faithfulness and it is great at showing me that I'm not all I felt I was cracked up to be. Haha!

I miss my girl Gracie. I'm looking for Bubbles 'voice' to share. But so far there are only two loving eyes watching my every move and frantically following me from room to room to make sure I do not get out of her sight.

I hope this year finds happiness and contentment for all.

BUBBLES

GRACIE.  MINUTES BEFORE LEAVING THIS LIFE.

A Little Christmas Blog Post

Christmas time I think of Gracie.  After all, she spent seventeen Christmases with us.  That's a lot.  We put her under the tree with the rest of the gifts when she was a baby.  After all, she was my Christmas present that year.  She was the best one I have ever received, to be honest.  

That first Christmas was filled with such happiness.  We had just purchased our bargain home for $39,000 so we could *ahem* get a dog.  It didn't need much work because it belonged to a meticulous older lady who left the place spotless and beautiful.  We did finish the basement though, and oh, what a wonderful place of recreation that turned out to be for us and our new dog.  

I remember ordering the off-white plush carpet to be installed before we moved in, and then, the white dog weeks later.  White carpet and white dog went together like...  WAIT...  

Now if Gracie were here, she would have a different story.  But I am here to share that potty training that little stinker took over a year.  It seemed I was constantly on my hands and knees scrubbing that white carpet. 

The pages of time seem to turn more quickly as we get older.  Before I knew it, our bargain home had been sold to buy a home that we could turn into a business along a busy highway.  Gracie didn't mind the move.  She was adventurous like that. 

Fast forward to the end of that chapter.  The part where Gracie would be leaving us and my heart would break so tragically that I did not know how there could be another chapter going forward.  I could not remember life without her, so how could I think of tomorrow with no white dog hanging around.  

Gracie's last Christmas