2 hours before saying goodbye to Gracie for the last time, I sat watching her sleep peacefully in my office as I typed a goodbye letter to her. She loved coming to the office to rest. My heart is so very broken.
Goodbye Gracie.
How can I say goodbye? To one I have loved and cared for over 17 years? One who has required much of my attention and love. One who loves me and watches for me and is my heart. How can I say goodbye?
You lay on the floor after finishing your fortune cookie, resting. You look peaceful. How can I say goodbye to one who is so peaceful? How can I?
Will Jesus send angels to escort you into a heavenly realm – a place so beautiful and perfect that your soul will run swiftly to receive the love that awaits you there? Will the first thing you notice be the way you can run, just as you did when you were a puppy? Will you delight at the freedom and jump as high as the clouds as you frolic with the others who have gone on before you? Will you remember me at all? Or will you be left with just a small empty space that you cannot understand, one that will only be filled when I meet you there – in your place of peace. Your Heavenly home.
How can I say goodbye? How can I live without having you to take care of? To worry after and to love. To hold close and smell your sweetness right after you come back from your grooming. How can I make dinner at night without tearing up, because there is no you peeking around the corner to check and make sure dinner will be on time. How?
But you will worry no more. Those sores you lick and lick – causing me to worry so for you – they will be gone. You won’t need anyone to hold you up to potty anymore. The body of a perfect pup, you’ll have. Oh my dear Gracie – how I love you so. Our house is in disarray for your convenience. There are rugs piled high and furniture pushed up against the bed to keep you from falling at night. I suppose I will start putting things back in order once your gone. I’ll likely cry a lot. The truth is, I would take the inconvenience over losing you any day!!!!
But there is only one thing worse than saying goodbye to you. And that is watching as you are in distress at night at the bottom of the bed. You circle around and around and around, unable to lift you butt to get comfortable. I will pull myself down there and reposition you, only to have you struggling again. I love it when you sleep soundly and peacefully all night. But that is not happening much anymore. When you head down the ramp, I jump into action and run to the living room to help you with whatever your need might be. Last night you were pooping over and over again until you were only passing water. I’d follow you around, crawling on my hands and knees to help hold your butt up. You looked so embarrassed and humiliated. So helpless and sad that you cannot do these things on your own.
I will miss your puppy snuggles. Even though you are seventeen, you were a love bug. A furry, sweet love bug. I will hold the thought of holding you close to my face and speaking my love into your ear – for the rest of my days. I am not sure about anything but this. I know God loves me and I love Him. And I know He is good and all good things come from Him. And I know there is life after this life.. eternal life with no more death or suffering. I want to be a part of that. With you. And I truly believe it will be. Because, God’s love is so awesome and so perfect and so wonderful. He would not take such a gem as you out of my life forever. No, God would not do that.
You lay still. Resting. It’s sweet, because the minute I stopped typing to get a quick picture of you, you raised your head and looked at me. What a sweetheart. God has been so good to me by bringing you into my life. But you are His, really. And I’m pretty sure He is calling you home. It’s okay, sweet girl. Rest easy. Run free. I’ll be back.
My deepest love goes with you.
