I've been thinking about my brother a lot lately. Cancer took his life 5 years ago, Jan 30. It was a sad time for me. I sure did love that brother of mine.
I was just five years old when he lured a neighbor's dog to come home and live with him one day. The dog loved Jim, so I guess they said he could go ahead and keep him. Jim loved dogs. I really don't remember Jimmy or the dog at that age.
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| My sweet but ornery brother and his adopted dog |
What I do remember is a brother who teased me a lot and brought a lot of shall we say... adventure to our family of nine. He always had something up his sleeve. As a teenager, I became closer to him and even more close as an adult.
Jimmy suffered from addictions for most of his adult life. He messed up many-a-relationship because of that. I remember one girl (she was so perfect for him.. beautiful, kind, fun, caring) in particular. They were together for a couple of years and she was broken when she finally called it off altogether. I recollect her saying to me, "he takes such good care of me... he's so sweet most of the time and I don't want to live without him, but I can't live with him."
Jimmy had a vile temper at times but was never abusive physically. With his words - yes - but not physically. When he finally admitted to his addiction (pills) he called me one day from the school where he was janitor, and asked me to come and get the pills he had at the time, so he would not continue taking them. He knew what they were doing to his relationships, yet he could not stop. When he promised to leave me flush them, I obliged. It wasn't long tho, until he went to the doctor with a pain in his shoulder and got replenished. It was sad to watch.
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| Jim had the most wonderful bush in his yard that I would gather lilacs from every year |
He was married and divorced 3 times. All of his wives were at his funeral, all still carried love for him. He was that kind of guy.
Addictions are sad. They hurt families and relationships. Satan knows where to slither into our lives, and where our weaknesses lie. My brother could have had so much more in life if he could have only considered the damage his addiction was causing.
But.
His shoulder hurt. His arm hurt. His feet hurt. His head hurt. You get the picture. My guess is that it was life that hurt for him more than anything. Just. Life. I guess some people just don't do life well.
I hate addictions and I hate satan who says we need them!
My addiction has always been chocolate. And yes, food can be an addiction as well. Eating junk food has been a real problem in my life and guess what!! I'm being set free from that addiction... I am 3 days off chocolate/junk food/meats/dairy and settling into a plant based/whole food type of living. Especially after seeing a documentary about how mistreated our 'meat' is before it becomes our dinner! *sad*
I need to: Lose weight. Feel healthier. Get control of my hypertension. Fit into my clothes more comfortably. yada, yada, yada.
Is it hard? Ummm - yes!!! It is. But I am determined now more than ever before, and as I look back on my pictures of Jim I remember his addictions and how much they hurt him, me, and others in his life. And I don't want that for me. One day at a time! To God be the glory!!
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| Jim's old abandoned house |
