ON DEAF EARS

Dear Diary,

I think it's winter, but so far I haven't seen any of the white stuff like I saw last winter.  I'm A-OK with that.  Finding a place to pee can be hard when your up to your ears in snow.  I'd tell ya what Mom thinks of it --- 'cept I can't hear her anymore.  I know she's talking -- but what she's saying I do not know.  If she yells for me when I'm outside I ignore her.  But if she yells and motions with her hand for me to come in, I get the message.  

I was scared at first...  not being able to hear.  Sometimes Mom and Dad would leave me all alone and I would howl and bark for them to come home.  Mom!  Dad!  Come back!!
But I'm doing better now.  Sometimes I sleep and don't even know they're gone.

I'm adjusting to being almost deaf.  I think Mom and Dad are not though.  They are sad about it I think.  Mom likes to manipulate sweet talk me a lot of the time - and now it goes on deaf ears.  BOL!!  Get it?  Deaf ears!

But seriously -  I'm doing Ok for now.  Getting tons of attention! My eyesight is still good and there ain't nothing wrong with my smeller (thank You God!).  Oh, and I still love to eat.  and play.  and walk.  

I remember a word I used to hear my Mom say all the time.  Blessed.  I think it's something really good.  And I think I am that.  Blessed.  Gracie.

2019 A GRAND YEAR FILLED WITH GRAND-DOGS AND GRAND KIDS

My grand-dog Ginger is the sweetest!  

No, I really mean it!  

She is the sweetest, most well-behaved, most loving, most kindest dog 

I've ever known in my entire life!!

Gracie understands this and accepts my thoughts about Ginger.

Ellie, my other grand-dog understands this as well.  Her and Gracie have rallied together and professed that as long as I still feed and play with and care for and love them...  it's okay that I place Ginger on a pedestal.  They could never live up to her perfection and they know it!

Enough about the doggies.  Now, lets take a look at some of the grandkids.

To think that thirteen years ago they did not exist in my world - is almost unthinkable.  

What joy they have brought to my life!

Each personality is different.  

Of those pictured below,

One is sweet.  One is competitive.  One is creative.  

Can you match the description to the kid?  

MORNINGS

My mornings go something like this.  Wake up.  Make the bed.  Drink water.  Exchange a brief 'how did you sleep?' with GP (hubby), Get coffee.  Alone time w/journals, Bible, and God. Shower.  Much needed make-up.  Breakfast. Work.

My mornings go something like this.  Wake up.  Go back to sleep.  Wake up again.  Go out to pee.  Eat treats dad leaves for me on the floor.  Go back to sleep.  Wake up.  Go outside to spy on rabbits and or squirrels.  Inside, and back to sleep.  Wake up.  Outside again, this time #2 potty... here... and there... and everywhere.  Back inside for a quick nap before fortune cookie time.  Follow Mom to the office for my cookie.  Wait!  No one said anything about a photo shoot!!  Down I go.  Through the garage.  Through the laundry room.  Into the kitchen.  Past the dining room.  Back to the couch in the living room where I take another nap.  Life is ruff. ~ Gracie

I Come Broken to be Mended

This is a long ramble just to warn you ..  feel free to skip this post if you don’t have time for a rambling fool haha

You may be one of those people who look back on their lives and say, 

"I would not change a thing about my past because it made me who I am today"   

Well, I'm not one of those people, and let me tell you why...  

There is so much I'd change if there was a waving of a magic wand and  

~Pooffff~ 

a second chance 

Not that I don't love my life now, or who I am....  because I'm perfectly happy with my life. 

But all of who I am today is because of God's mercy and His grace. 

 Not anything I've done or deserved.  

I can trace every anxiety, stress, illness, poor situation or life fail 

back to a decision I have made at one time or another.  

Our local Sears is closing.  I guess most know that already.  It is sad to walk into where 

I once worked and spent so much of my time, and witness

the debris and destruction of what was once a thriving

business.  

I recall my first days of working there, how excited I was to be a 'secretary' (and later, Hearing Instrument Specialist) and out of the back-breaking job of sweat-shop work.

Dress you're best and be kind and friendly to customers.  That was my forward thinking and a really big change would take place in my personality as I left my introverted self behind and fought my inner shyness to become outgoing and personable.  I felt important and useful and like I was growing as a person.

This is a problem to satan.  When he knows God's people are thriving or growing for good, he will slither in unawares and steal your joy.  he did that with me.  he convinced my husband at the time that  my change was for the bad.  he worked with co-workers to entice me and to make me believe that my husband was bad for not trusting the extremely faithful me.  he worked with me to free me from the bondage of a jealous husband who had no foundation to believe the lies he was believing.

It was all a recipe for disaster.  A divorce followed.  A falling away from everything that I believed to be right and true and good followed.  

But a wonderful growth and closer relationship with God followed as well 

NOT because of anything that I did...  

but because of the MERCY and GRACE 

God gave me following my mistakes.  

I suffered.  I hurt.  I cried.  

I felt as though my world was crashing in on me.  I felt alone and afraid.  

I remember crying through Church on many an occasion.  

I was broken.  But I did not understand why.  So I prayed wholeheartedly

that God would help me through the loneliness and despair. 

I never gave up asking God to help me.   

I fell to my knees over and over again asking God to forgive me and change the direction of my life.  I talked to God about each of my bad decisions and was humble before Him, confessing and asking forgiveness.  I did this for years and years, saddened by the mess I made of my life and the many lives of those I loved.  To look at me, my life did not look like a mess at all.  It looked pretty great!

  But divorce is messy.  It hurts many and changes everything.

  But the mess was not an outward mess, it was inside - in my heart.  You see, when God's people make bad choices it grieves their hearts..  and if it doesn't ...  then His chastisement will lead to a grieving heart.  It's how God works.  I've read that he does chastise those He loves, and that's how I know He does love me.  Otherwise, He would have left me to continue in my self-destruction.  

Eventually, He led me to a much better place!  He gave me strength and wisdom to work hard to become more independent and strong as a working woman.  He provided me a much better position  and eventually gave me a business of my own.  I found love again and a future.  I cannot take credit for any of this, nor can I give the credit to anyone else.  It was God.  All things good come from Him.  

I am so very thankful that (even now) when things seem hopeless and life's choices seem to have brought me to a life questioned, I look to Him and He shows me how I need to act/react, change, respond, make decisions, etc.  He reminds me, feelings are not facts.  Sometimes I need to tuck my feelings deeply away and go through the motions of life.  Do what is right, even when it does not feel right.  One day at a time.

And when I have no one left who I can count on,  I have God.  

He's here now, and always has been.  Even when I veered away from him.  

He watched silently and sadly, allowing me to go through some storms

 and knowing exactly when to bring reprieve.

As hard as I try, I cannot say that I like chastisement.  So... yea...
If I had a second chance, I'd make better choices.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!  

lots of good memories there...  

me at my desk back then....

"I come broken to be mended

I come wounded to be healed

I come desparate to be rescued

I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned

By the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms

Praise God, Just as I am."

Me at my...  wait... this is my office, but where's my desk?

TOP TEN

Things my parents taught me.

1.  Being glamorous has nothing to do with your outside appearance.  It's inside.  And regardless of your size, shape and appearance and how rich or poor you might be...  you can glow!  Just smile and say, "Life is good!"  

2.  You can make hand-me-downs rock!!  You don't need money to look your best.  You only need a positive attitude and self-worth.  

3. Never lie, steal or cheat.  Doing these things will bring down your self-worth... so always be honest  and of good moral character.  It makes looking in the mirror so much easier.

4.  Always own your mistakes.  Another self-esteem builder.

5.  Work hard and appreciate the life you build.

6.  Be kind to others.  That means, all others.  

7.  Give, unconditionally when you are able.

8.  Be faithful.

9.  Love and fear God.  Trust in Him to sort through life's unpleasantries and bring you to a better place.

10.  Enjoy Life and Laugh often!

Daughters and Dogs

Me, with my daughter....

Me, with her daughter...

Gracie, with her accomplishment. 

 Yes, she can now jump on the highest chair in the living room.  I would say she's healed 100% from her ACL injury back in May 2019.  

Dear Diary,

Good news and bad news.  I can jump just fine now and so I'm back to my window world.  That is the good news.  The bad news:  Mom and Dad are on to me.  I still try to get help whenever I am lazy tired or weak.  I'll attempt to jump.  stop.  look to the left (at dad).  look to the right (at mom).  repeat.  And get little sympathy, usually having to proceed with the jump on my own.  Sometimes when they are not lazy  they have compassion they pick me up and put me on the couch.  One day at a time, I tell ya.  One day at a time.  Gracie.

Stripped and Alone

Have you ever felt like this tree?  Stripped and alone?  

I am so glad that God has not really left us alone here in this world.  When every one else disappoints us, He is here.  And if we listen closely, He will show us how we too, have in the past disappointed Him.

Guilty!

But forgiven and saved by His perfect gift of grace.  

it takes is a humble heart.   admitting our wrongs.   a desire to change.

 Relationships.

In this world, not easy.  Satan's mission is to deceive and destroy.  

It grieves me how we sometimes treat one another 

But God reminds me 

this.  is. the. world.  

We are just passing through...

The 5 - P's

It looks like Poo on the Pee Pad but it is actually a Pill Pocket. 

 Shhhh...  don't tell Gracie.

Ramp Like a Champ

A couple of years ago Gary built a nice ramp so that Gracie in her old age could make the move from the floor to the bed much easier.  We put the ramp at the foot of the bed and after persuasive treats trailing the ramp to the bed, our girl was trained!  

Up and down the ramp she'd go with ease, no worries.

Last year when she hurt her knee, even the ramp was impossible for her to do.  The problem was, she'd get half way up the ramp and then turn to jump onto the bed without going all the way up first.  This was causing issues for her bad knee and I'm thinking she may have had a bad experience and fell a time or two.  And so she refused to do the ramp again.  

Night after night, it was up and down for me...  lifting our girl back into bed.  Oh, she went down the ramp just fine but she refused to go back  up it.  

What to do, what to do!!  

And so Gary did a remodeling of the ramp, added a side rail on the side that used to be against the bottom of our bed and placed the ramp to the side of the bed instead of the foot of the bed.  A straight shot onto the bed is better, we thought.  That way she can't jump prematurely thus not hurting herself or failing to make the jump.  

Yes, now we have the ramp right in the middle of our room and in the way.  Eh, so what.  We just walk around it.  If it works, then it's worth the inconvenience.

She refused.

No ramp for her.  

Uh-uh.  No way.  No how.

And so began the regimen of the best of the best treats making a trail up the ramp and to the bed.  

Did she ever master the climb from floor to bed?  Yes, she did!  Her fears have been erased and it only took one-and-a-half pounds of roast beef and two packages of cinnamon sticks!

And now... she does the ramp like a champ!  

And the Ramp Champ Doggie Award goes to .....    

Wordless Wednesday

Top 10

Top 10 things to do after the Christmas chaos has died down.

1.  Undo all that you did the day after Thanksgiving (to get ready for Christmas).  If you are anything like me, it will take you a complete 8-10 hour day to accomplish this.  And repeat these words:  "I'm getting too old for this!"

2.  Now, vacuum.  It's a mess.

3.  Watch some television and comment on how dull your house looks without all the bright lights and Christmas bling.

4. Create possible New Year resolutions in your mind.   

5.  Finish up the cookies and curse the day you baked them and the extra pounds you added to your waistline.  Now, throw away the rest of that fudge...  it didn't turn out that good, anyway.  Time for a diet lifestyle change.

I'll take it from here...  (says Gracie)

6.  Vomit and poop all that anxiety and stress away (of the turning of your world upside down)...  do it on the floor and all through the house while everyone is asleep.  They will know better than to take away your peace next year. 

7.  Stay alert!  Don't let them slide meds down your throat for nothing!!!  Bite them if you have to.  

8.  Sleep

9.  Now that you've gotten their attention, hold out for the good stuff.  Chicken and rice are okay, but roast beef is better.  It's in the fridge.  Wait for it.  If you play your cards right, this will be offered to you along with the meds.  But be vigilant.  Spit the meds out!!  Let them suffer as you have.

10.  When you can no longer squeeze another runny, disgusting pity poop out - run and get a toy so they know you're feeling better.  They've suffered enough.  Maybe. Repeat next year if necessary. 

Evil

 Raise your paw ....

If you see the resemblance...

Gotta sleep with one eye opened...  or not sleep at all.  And if she sees that I spit a pill out onto the floor, she's that much more aggressive at pushing it down my throat.

 Nurse Ratched.

I'm pretty sure she is a descendant.

 daughter?  granddaughter?

 evil, I tell ya.  just plain evil.

.... Gracie

No Tears

 Have you ever buried your feelings so deep that you find yourself just going through the motions without showing emotion?  Well, if you have, then you know what I'm talking about.  Life, people, friends, family and goals just aren't measuring up to your expectations and things seem a little hopeless. But. No tears.

Our household has been lacking sleep lately due to a certain 15-year old cockapoo ....  yea, Gracie!  Up and down and in and out of the house all day and all night long.  Diarrhea  and vomiting.  Cleaning floors at 3AM.  Torn between feeling sorry for my girl Gracie and feeling sorry for myself. At this stage of her life,  I begin to think the worst.  Still.  No tears.

An emergency vet visit left my girl afraid, shaking and vomiting, waiting for almost an hour on the cold hospital floor for the vet to come back.  I watched her from the stool I sat on from above, cold, uncomfortable, emotionless and bitter to the fact that she was so sick.   My poor girl. But I stayed strong, cause there were still no tears.

But I knew of the possibilities and I trembled inside to think that this might be it for my Gracie.  And so I prayed.

Get down on the floor with her.

And so I did.

I kept praying.  Between being cold, sick and anxious, she was shaking badly.

Cover her with your coat.

 And so I did.  And I kissed her head and massaged her ears.

In that moment, as I let go of my strong matter-of-fact realistic, bitter demeanor and allowed myself to feel the hurt,  tears began streaming down my face.

"It's okay, girl.  Mommy's here..."

I felt better.  I'd released days of worry and exhaustion and confusion and now I was okay.  And so was Gracie.  Her blood test and x-ray showed nothing serious.  Probably a gastrointestinal flare-up from stress of the holidays.


Dear Diary,

Mom The NAG snagged this picture of me while I was resting and she shared it on Instagram and one of her friends offered condolences.  BOL!!!!!   I tell ya, I can still jump onto the highest chair in the living room and I can still poop and play and run and bark at the mailman.  #NotDeadYet

Gracie

 

Just Foto Friday