clutter

so i just moved all of my photo's over from my computer (iphoto) to a passport. ready to begin 2015 and add new photos.  i vow not to take as many photos in 2015.  i take way too many photos.  my computer gets cluttered just like my house gets cluttered from too much stuff.  i will have a yard sale come spring to get rid of a lot of stuff.  my christmas village this year was too cluttered.  getting rid of some of the village houses in my yard sale.  other christmas stuff too.  clutter be gone.  and food.  my goodness.  my cupboards are always so jammed with this that and the other.  too much clutter in my cupboards.  closet.  talk about clutter.  another round of throw away what you don't wear would help.  lets call 2015 clutter be gone.  but first new years eve at rocky gap with dinner buffet a dance an overnight stay fireworks at midnight  some casino fun and breakfast buffet in the a m.  then meet up with 2015 the year of de clutter.  this post is pretty cluttered right.  well now you get my point.  does clutter tend to clutter your mind sometime.  if so.  declutter.  thats all.

Dear Diary,
Ummm  Mom just threw away my sick squirilly friend, the one who's sqeaker I chewed up.  She then proceeded to pick out several other toys that belonged to me and toss them in the garbage.  What has gotten into her????  Has she gone mad?????  She had no right!!!!!  And so, I am looking to get revenge.  Some pee on the floor?  Maybe a chewed up piece of mail?  Hmmmm...  I will have to think this through. I would like to get her attention but without getting into too much trouble.
Gracie.  

Where Joy is Found

Funny how time slips away.  Days that once lasted every bit of twenty-four hours now seem to come to an end much quicker and weeks, months, and even years have become a fast moving train.  

My last post told about Christmas past and the time shared with family, especially my brother Jimmy and sister Rita.

That past carefree day of two children playing on Christmas night met with what would be the future when Rita went to PA last week to be with our sick brother who is suffering with lung cancer.  

Last week I made a big pot of vegetable soup for Jimmy, who has been having problems eating, and some fudge for Rita. Gary and I went to Hanover Pa. to visit on Wednesday and Thursday of last week.   It was a time of sadness, but a time of joy.  We helped as best we could.  We talked of old times and laughed at our crazy, wonderful childhood memories.

But then we came home.  Jimmy ended up in the hospital for a couple of days.  Our Christmas came and went.  And I am starting to take down some decorations now.

This Christmas was bittersweet.  Losing my niece unexpectedly last month, and now Jimmy being ill.  I just wanted to get through the happy-Christmas time and move on.

You know...  sometimes you just have to bury the sadness for a time and deal with it later...  when the Christmas chaos ceases.  After all, it's expected of us to be HAPPY and JOYFUL and EXCITED at Christmas.

I feel so sad for those who suffer depression during the holidays.  Watching others be so dog-gone happy can really get annoying!!  (LOL- but - seriously)

I am not so much depressed as I am sad this year.  Sad for family loss.  Sad for family illness.  Sad for what Christmas has become with the commercialism of it all.  

The highlight of my Christmas:  Christmas Eve Candlelight Service.  It was beautiful.  It was exactly what I needed!  It brought me back to the TRUE REASON - why we celebrate.  And then I felt JOY.

On Christmas day the kids and grandkids came.  We had lasagna and home-made bread.  We exchanged presents and laughed.

And before you know it....  next Christmas will be here.  And I can't help but wonder what the new year will bring.  Who will be with us.  Who will not.

Love to all my friends in Blogland....  Hope your Christmas was Joy-filled.  God be with you all!

Someone/Something/Some  by Gracie Phillip

Someone.  
Like Me.  Same color.
Same fur.
Someone.  
Looks familiar.  Can't be.
Someone.  Some dog.  
Doesn't breath.  Doesn't scratch.
Some dog.
Staring.  Taunting.  Curious.
Some strange dog.
Imitating.  Pretending.  
Some stupid dog.
Faux. But...  will he squeal if i sink my teeth into him...
Some Nag Mom.  
Scolding.  Taking away my new friend.  Not giving me a chance to show my playful love for him by sinking my teeth into him to see if he squeaks.  
Some Christmas.
Buh Humbug.

Once Upon A Time

Christmas Eve - A very long time ago...

For almost two weeks there would be no more getting up early and going out into the blustery cold, walking backwards to avoid the sting of the icy snow on our faces to our bus stop to wait on the bus.  School had been dismissed for the year.  The excitement of Christmas vacation had dulled and new enthusiasm rested in knowing that Christmas Eve had arrived.  We had counted the months, the days, the hours.  It was finally here.

I wanted a baby doll.  Every year I wanted a baby doll.  I had spent the past couple of months,  since the Sears Wish Book arrived, carefully studying each doll.  I rated them on how many outfits were included and if they had a bottle, the kind with the fake milk or juice that would magically disappear when the baby was fed.   

I could hardly wait for tomorrow to get here so I could hold that baby, bringing her to my nose to smell her newness.

Three brothers and two sisters flitted through the little four room house, laughing and telling stories of Santa and Christmas's past.   The door of the pot belly stove clanged as Mom opened it and shoved the poker inside, stirring the coal, then shaking the ashes from the bottom.  "Don't forget to put your socks out," she said.  She did not have to remind us.  We were on it.  

Christmas Morning - A very long time ago

Sunrise.  Eagerness.  Our ritual chant of "We want up!"  Mom gave us the okay.

The black and white living room that had been abandoned the night before was converted into a magical display of color and great lights of reds, blues, and greens bounced off the gray wall showing bright on the long needle pine tree that sat in the corner of the little living room.  And oh, the smell of Christmas!  Silver tinsel hung heavy on the branches with long brilliant bubble lights, erupting and mesmerizing.  Toys lay unwrapped beneath the tree and we each scurried to find our gifts from Santa.  Our socks lay nearby, filled with sweet smells of oranges, candy and nuts. 

I found my baby and examined her accessories.  She came with a bottle of magic milk, two changes of clothes, and a blanket.   My life could not be any more perfect!

Hearts were light and joy filled the air.

Christmas Night - A very long time ago

I adjusted my earphones into my ears and slowly moved the dial on the new transistor radio that Santa had left me.  Some stations were in a language I did not understand but I listened, wowed by the thought that I could tune in to a happening taking place in a far end of the world.

I tried to sleep, but the enchantment of Christmas day was still thick in the air.  My other siblings (sleeping in the same room) had become silent and were fast asleep, but my older sister Rita and my older brother Jimmy were just off of our bedroom in the living room playing with their new tape recorder.   Into the early hours of the morning they played, and laughed.  I giggled beneath my covers, thinking about how these two were so comical, and glad to be their sister.  I admired them so...

December 16, 2014

Tomorrow my sister Rita will travel to Pennsylvania to spend yet another Christmas with my big brother Jim.  She will be there for as long as he needs her.  The laughter will be minimal though, and the feeling of utopia that was felt on that Christmas day almost fifty years ago, will be replaced by a gut-wrenching pain, a sadness, a yearning for younger more innocent times when cancer was not spoken of and our lives were infinity and beyond.   

Rita and Jimmy

Jimmy and Rita

Us

A more recent Us

Once upon a time, there was Christmas magic.  But then, the years swept away that magic and all that was left was cancer and death and dying.  But if I close my eyes and think real hard, memories and  magic return.  And I'm a little girl again.

What A Week!

Feeling a little numb from last weeks 'life journey' but ready to start again!  Last week began with my 50-year old niece being taken off life support after a sudden illness left her in a toxic induced coma.  We were close, and this was difficult.

Work was busy with 'problems' and I became unable to deal with these problems when my computer deleted all of my data base and customer hearing test results along with fitting history, etc.  (long story).

Wednesday morning we woke up to snow.  

I spoke with my brother Jimmy.  His pet scan results showed that his cancer has spread to his liver and bone.  I swallowed the pain and continued with what needed to be done.

I was asked to put together a slide show for Diane's memorial service, so I spent all day Wednesday on it.

Wednesday evening I worked until bedtime on the Thanksgiving side dishes.  I was exhausted.

Thanksgiving morning I was up and running at 7:30AM, preparing the turkey, stuffing the turkey, and getting that big bird in the oven to be ready by 1 o'clock, my scheduled dinner-time.  Then I had my tea.

There would be twelve seated all together, so there had to be some rearranging.  An extra table was put up in the living room and chairs were collected from wherever we could find them.  I did not stop.  Tables were set.  Candles lit.  Pie - topping reapplied after the cool whip melted off into the refrigerator from putting it on too soon the night before. 

Then my phone buzzed.  A fourth of my guests would be arriving late.  Like, maybe an hour late.  Oh well.  

The rest of us ate.  After we were finished, the others arrived and ate.  We did some karaoke on Gary's new SingTrix toy and then we went to a horrible movie.  

I tried to do as little as possible on black Friday but later in the day found myself lost in the narrow isles of Ollie's feeling smothered by passionate shoppers on either side.  They meant business!   I decided to go home and shop online.  

Saturday was Diane's memorial service and I did what I said I would never do again.  I got up in front of a room full of people and spoke of a remembrance of my niece that was dear to my heart.  I almost made it without tears  :-(  My head felt like it would burst and my stomach hurt for hours.  Let me say it once more:  I will never do that again!

The service was beautiful and at the conclusion George Jones recording of Amazing Grace filled the little chapel.  Just in front of me, Diane's  husband cried into his handkerchief and their teenage daughter consoled him... holding him close and kissing his forehead.  Diane's children consoled one another.  There were plenty of tears.  

Later at the luncheon as the slideshow played, Todd, Diane's husband cried again watching his wife's life unfold in front of him.  I watched him wave at her and say, 'There's my beautiful girl"...  and it made me feel very sad for him.  He must feel so empty without her.  

It was close to a two hour drive, so we didn't get home till later that day.  

The above does not even touch on a lot of the 'little stuff' that happened.  Lets just say, what could go wrong did go wrong.

 But we did karaoke and we could sing and it made everyone laugh and be happy.  And for a brief while, all the sadness disappeared.  

And then in the back room, the Barbie house had been transformed.  Girls were no longer shopping and getting groceries for sleepovers or getting dressed for talent shows.  (What I find when Rissi and Summer play with the Barbie's).  

The men were home, the place was a mess... and hunting season was in!  (Jake had been here!)

  

And I am counting my blessings.