Bittersweet

My mom died nineteen years ago just hours after July 4th had come to an end.  The memory of standing inside her hospital room and watching her take her last breaths while hearing the booms and bangs of the fireworks beyond the hospital window will forever be with me.  

I don't think of Mom much anymore.  As time marches on memories fade and we tend to get on with our lives.  July 4th memories are mostly made up of picnics, sparklers, swimming and fireworks.  But on that tragic forth of July nineteen years ago the memories that flash in my mind are grand mal seizures,  coma, family gathered...  waiting...  and tears falling onto the windowsill as I looked out into the dark night trying to imagine what my life would be like without my mom in it.   

I loved my mom and dad so much.  I may not have agreed with everything they did but I had respect for them.  They shaped my life with their love and for that I am forever grateful.  Both Mom and Dad have been gone for a very long time.   I find myself oftentimes just wanting to pick up the phone and give Mom a call.  But today...  maybe I'll drop her a line instead.

Dear Mom,

So much has happened since you died.  It would take me forever to fill  you in, so I won't even try.  Let me instead, introduce you to a few great grandchildren whom you never got to meet.  Today was July 4th.  You remember how we always liked to celebrate with picnics, ice cream and fireworks?   Well, we had a cookout here at the house today and oh the fun!!

Jake is Jackie's boy and Marissa is Lindsey's girl.  Can you see the resemblance's?

Below you will see Lindsey all grown up.  Remember when  you used to call her Gabby Geary because she would talk your ear off?  Call it karma if you like....  But now her girl Marissa talks her ear off.

That's Jack below, holding his newest son Jasper.  Jasper is an angel with the most adorable curls! Jack was your favorite, remember?  Well, he has turned out to be a wonderful guy.  A great father to his children and a good hard worker.  You would be proud!

It's too bad you were never able to meet your great grandchildren.  You would love them so much! Each one is  precious and special in his or her own way.  

It's funny how life goes on...  even when someone you don't think you can live without leaves this world.

I never thought I'd be able to go on, not having you in my life.  But really...  you are still here.

The love that you taught me.  The morals that were taught me. The way you taught me to be kind to everyone, always.  The things in life that are most important live in my heart to this day.  And will live through your grandchildren and even the great grandchildren.  

That was Summer (above).  Oh, is she a sweetheart!  She loves to cuddle and has a special little way about her.

And Jake (above) is Jackie all over again.  So thoughtful and grown up at times.  He learned to swim today!!!

The girls (below) love to dance.  

They are special, Mom.  Very, very special.  I wish you were here to enjoy them.

Oh, and one last thing.  Your granddog. You would absolutely LOVE Gracie!

July 4th ~ Bittersweet ~ Always