THIS IS THE HARD PART

 This is the hard part.  

The watching as she falls in her own bowel movements.  The watching as she staggers around, trying to find her way.  The watching her fall over and over again and when her little legs give out on her.  Watching and waiting.  

Last night I made my bed on the floor, hoping she'd snuggle up to my feet like she does in bed.  But she's a creature of habit, and once I closed the door to the bedroom, where she typically climbs the ramp to join us in bed,  her routine had been interrupted, and she refused to lay at my feet.  I couldn't leave the door opened for her to climb the ramp to bed, she barely makes it, then she falls going down.

She slept sweetly though, through the night.  Up and down a number of times, and outside to potty, and then fall, not able to get back up.  I did not sleep, hardly at all.  

This is the hard part.  Waiting, while she spends the day at the vet's office.  Waiting for him to examine her in between his scheduled surgeries, to evaluate, how shall we move forward from here?

Is her time with us to end now?  Will we continue to fight to keep her comfortable?  I pray for discernment, as I wait for the vet's call.  I will likely go with his professional opinion - what now?    

This is not a very good post, but I just wanted to write something.

This is the hard part.

This morning, on our way to the vet