I don't think of you much anymore. They say time heals and I suppose it does. The hurt is no longer there. Just photo's, some videos, and memories mostly. Memories come and go. That's okay though. I believe it's a healthy thing to let go of hurt and move on.
Yesterday was a date I remember... oh gosh... I don't even know how many years have passed since your departing from this world. I just know it was on July 5, hours after distant fireworks subsided.
Death scares me. I think it's because I've watched so many of my loved ones go through such suffering upon leaving this world. And then there's the unknown. We can pretend that we know exactly what happens after we take our last earthly breath, but truth is... only God really knows how it all comes down.
I watched Lindy die. She did it so graciously. I doubt that I will be anywhere near that calm about my own death. I've always been the weak one, the one who lacked faith but prayed hard for it. Do you know about Lindy's death, Mom? Is she with you now? And what about Jimmy? Are the four of you (Dad, too) guardian angels to those of us who are left and still living in this world? Or are you sleeping until Resurrection day? I've studied with way too many religions and listened to way too many beliefs to be clear on how it all unfolds.
But what I do believe is that God's ways are not our ways and that He knows and that one day it will be revealed to us. It's okay that I do not know for sure. I do know God. I know Jesus. I know that His Spirit is with me.
Since you've been gone, our family has grown greatly. I can't keep track of them all! Remember Jackie? Your favorite? Well, he has two boys of his own now. You would totally adore them! Jake is the spitting image of his dad. And Lindsey, oh how you loved Lindsey! She has two of the most precious little girls! You would be in Great Grandma Heaven if you were still around.
Every once in a while I will think I want to call you just to say hey. But then I remember you're gone. And Lindy. and Jimmy. and Dad. I'm void of half of my family.
But thoughts of you all have become thoughts of death and dying. So If you don't mind, I will stop thinking about the anniversary of your passing. Instead, I will focus on my life. My family. Those who are living.
And as I watch them grow, I will see your kindness and your sense of humor and your honesty and integrity. I will see your legacy .... through them. and I will smile.
I love you, Mom.
Your daughter,
Bobbie Jo
PS The dog. She didn't mention the dog. Oh Gram... what an inconsiderate, self-centered daughter you have raised. Let me tell you about the dog then, since she is very conveniently forgetting... you would LOVE the dog. White. Fluffy. Kind. Sharing. Loving. She never begs for food. Always stays still for ear cleaning. Takes her meds nicely. Never barks at stupid stuff. Perfect in every way. If you were here
Thank you for that lovely post. My dad passed 5 years ago and my heart was broken. Hard to believe I would be really happy again but God does ease the pain with time. My sister, who I dearly love, passed last Feb.. I was depressed and heart broken. The depression is gone and the hurt is easing. They both knew and loved Jesus and that is everything. It eases any pain knowing I will see them again. My sister told me in Dec. 'don't be sad we will have a big party when we all meet in heaven'. Amen! Patty Mc
ReplyDeleteBobbi, you are so right in everything you say. We all have our strong beliefs, yet when it comes down to it, NO one knows what will happen. Soul sleep or not? With Jesus now, or waiting? So this is the way God wants it. After all, faith is hope without knowing. I do know one thing. Your Mom would be so very proud of you. Your love and caring for your beautiful family. Your wonderful husband. And your strength and insight to step out and start your own successful business. And I also know something else, you will be together again. But for now yo are right, it hurts too much to keep remembering, we have to live in the NOW, because life is too short not to enjoy every minute.
ReplyDeleteYou will meet them all again, I believe it! Sending hugs and prayers your way🙏🏼
ReplyDeletea lovely tribute.
ReplyDeleteSuch a sweet picture of your mom and you! My mom passed in 2006. Just lately, after times of not thinking about her for awhile, now I'm thinking of her more. Perhaps because I'm hitting the age of 60 later this year and its the year she became a grandmother and now I'm a grandmother. I'm not sure how it all works with our passing, but I do trust what Jesus said in John chapter 14 when he says he is going to prepare a place for us. Just not sure when we get to that place. Immediately after we die or after he returns. I am thinking he has it all covered and ultimately it will all make sense. I do believe for those that knew and loved Jesus, we will all be spending eternity together. That's the hope and promise we have while we continue to live on this side of it and enjoy the many blessings that are called our family.
ReplyDeletebetty
Bobbi, what a lovely tribute. It must feel sad that your mom never knew your grandkids, but it is the natural order of things. I lost my brother and sister too. It is sad, but we find strength to move on.
ReplyDeleteSamson Says: Hi Gracie, my sweet fluffy girl. Thanks for your birthday greetings, see I'm getting old too, so now we are more even. Your ears are so cute in the picture, and your eyes, two black buttons in your cute face. You are so many lovely things, but a truthteller, you are not. But I love you anyway. And always will. XOXOXOXO, your Samson
Nice letter to your mom. My youngest asked me the other day if he had ever met my mom or dad and if he just was too young to remember. Sadly, he met neither.
ReplyDeleteThat's the hope and promise we have while we continue to live on this side of it and enjoy the many blessings that are called our family.
ReplyDeleteหีฟิต